Click [here] to sign up for my Free Introductory Scrum Lord certification course! Join our hundreds of Certified Scam Lords earning well above industry standard after just 12 months of online training!

(Credit card required. Rebilled at $29.95 per month until cancellation. Minimum period of 12 months. T&Cs apple.)

Why settle for scrum lord when you could be scrum king? Scrum emperor? One day even scrum Pope?

Scrumplestiltskin. He promises to teach you to spin stories into code but then takes credit for your prototype.

God-Emperor of Scrum. The code must flow.

In the grim darkness of the future, there is only Scrum!

Now fly my scrumlings! Bring me their estimates! Eeehehehe

Meh. A real Evil Scrum Lord makes his victims enter the data by themselves into Jira.

Hell no. At least then I know it’s entered in a sensible way. If I let the scrum lord do it it’ll be a mess.

Twice. Once in points after Planning Poker has sized the story -- the second time in hours.

OMG planning poker. Never again.

Value based scrum black belt.

> scrum Pope

his holiness will make his presence known in due time

Somehow I suspect that something like this is at work inside the Vatican.

Pope Scrootus the 1st

I definitely agree with you, but I don't think that's sufficient. I think at larger companies it would be helpful to spend a day or two every quarter having a scrum increment meeting. The SI would let scrum lords and scrum masters plan what experiments would occur during the next quarter.

Isn't that just the Scrum of Scrums meeting, only at higher level perhaps?

I think that's the joke.

It would be like scrum of scrums in LeSS or PIs in SAFe. But instead of focusing on what work would be done, it would focus on how it would be done, and what changes scrum masters would make.

I was trying to expand that the joke is already a reality :D

What you are looking for is RTE; Release Train Engineer

haha wow

suppose I should have guessed there were already layers above and beyond the scrum master

it's like the leaning tower of bullshit

Its turtles all the way up.

Still, at my company I have an even more lofty title. I am the Kanban King...

I appreciate your sense of humor

not sure you're going far enough there. Obviously we need a scrum king to guide our scrum lords as they help our scrum masters transform our organization.

What are the perks that flow from the divine right of scrum kings?

The right to make all your slaves refine user stories for the next forty years, of course.....

The scrum lord spends most his day in his office making spunk charts. The making of spunk charts is an intensely personal task that uniquely suits them for office ownership. There have been cases where two or more scrum lords create spunk charts together but it is more rare.