I have very sensitive eyes too. And this is also a problem I've had with Linux on certain systems. My desktop is nothing special. My video card is Nvidia and the main monitor is a Dell running at 75hz. Windows is fine. Every distro I've tried is not. I've checked in Linux to make sure the refresh rate is correct. I've used both the open source driver and the closed source blob for the video card. I have no idea why I don't get eye strain from Windows but I do with Linux.

If anyone knows the answer and has a solution, please let me know. I'd love to dual boot this machine.

I'm guessing you prefer ClearType over FreeType. Have you tried using macOS on a standard-resolution monitor? It has very different font rendering from either Windows or Linux. If it turns out that font rendering is what makes your eyes strained, you may benefit from a higher-DPI monitor.

If the issue is screen tearing, try Sway or another Wayland compositor. That's always better in my experience.

I'm not following; what are your eyes sensitive to / what problem to you perceive in the *nix GUI stack?

Flickering and font rendering

Sounds more like a mis-configuration on desktop environment specific, rather than a problem with Linux or Wayland. I'm using Sway with Wayland and don't experience any of the issues you mention. In fact, I find that it is easier to read than Windows and definitely a lot snappier.

See that is the problem. Sure everything is fine if all I use is sway + alacritty and terminal based apps on a single screen but as soon as I mix in multiple terminals, x11 apps, glitchy hdpi, experience starts to deteriorate quickly

There is a current bug with Chromium that I'm aware of that causes issues if you have windows open on multiple desktops. Other than that I don't have these problems. May I suggest you check out the Arch Wiki for Sway and Wayland for suggestions for configuration.