I think whether youth learn to be independent adults when living with parents have more to do with parenting style than with the fact that they are living together. Helicopter parenting styles can lead to learned helplessness even when youths are out in the world by themselves, and they end up continuously being a burden to friends and family in order to survive.

I moved out at 18 while working full time, I have always been extremely independently minded and wanted to do my own thing. Was it extremely tough especially when I was going to college as well? absolutely! But it brought to me a sense of independence and tenacity that has given me a huge advantage over peers in my age group. Everything is not that difficult when compared to being on your own at a young age. I counter this to a person I knew who went to a top school who's Dad was a corp. exec and they were not working/jumping between low level jobs into their 30's and were completely dependent upon their parents weekly income. I cringe at the thought of moving into my parents house again, I love them alot, but just value my independence alot more.

I had a similar experience. I moved out at 19 years old, in my own apartment, with no financial help from my parents (beyond 2-3 home cooked meals a year).

It might not be the same for everyone, but for me, there was a definite pride in being independent, making my own decisions and having nobody to answer to but myself.

Boarding school was not sink or swim, you had adults looking after you, likely it was paid for by your parents, and you had a decent home life to return to if shit got really tough. Most parents aren't going to let their child sink and drown, nor is that really practical advice.

There’s a big difference between a parent and the adults in charge at a boarding school, in terms of the emotional support and things that those adults will do for them.

I’m sure most 13 year olds plead with their parents to take them certain places or buy them certain things (e.g. specific food and clothes, etc.), and while I’ve never been to boarding school, I imagine you have to figure out how to get things for yourself.

The point is taken re: not being “sink or swim” (you won’t be left on a ditch on the side of the road), but surely it’s obvious that more independence is needed living without a primary caregiver in the same home.

It likely depends on the country, but I am sure there is no lack of pampered/spoiled children at boarding schools. In the US, where free boarding schools are practically unheard up, it is even more likely.

The adults should be ensuring you don't grievously injure or harm yourself, and that you're returned in same/better condition.

You can always ring up your parents and ask for stuff, it's not like you are adopted by the school and lose all contact with your parents, nor are you earning a wage at 13 going to boarding school.

Lots of kids going to public school and/or with rough home lives learn "sink or swim" just as well or better than someone going to boarding school. I just found it odd to say you're learning to "sink or swim" when you have so many safety nets there to catch you if you did sink/fall.

One of the value propositions of these boarding schools is that they don't put up with your kids crap and your kid hopefully doesn't become a spoiled brat.

It's perfectly possible to do that while living at home.I was more independent at 13 than many 20-somethings I met years later living in a shared flat.

I also went to boarding school at 13. I wonder if just giving your kids more freedom would have a comparable impact.

So you're acknowledging the possibility that some might sink?