I agree more than I can express in words.

In one of those scenarios I am writing code, working anticipating the needs of my users, and solving tough problems. In the other scenario I am mindlessly pushing buttons on top of some slow crappy framework while watching the slow motion train wreck of emotional insecurity all around me like a lake of syrup.

I’m in an okay place right now as I’m not working a lot but in the past this has been a major issue for me. Hobby programming is relaxing and fun for me and it seems the more I dislike a job or task the more I feel compelled to code outside of work, which leads to overworking and neglecting other hobbies and responsibilities.

Maybe you just don’t like working? You wouldn’t be alone.

That's a possibility. I've enjoyed my job in the past though, like the first few year out of college. Then the BS and politics set in.

I first founded a start up for the fantasy of winning the lotto, which mostly didn’t happen. I stayed in start ups for the reality of being my own boss (as a founder) and the fuck-you status[1] of being a recognized world expert in a niche field. Maybe it’s time you switched career tracks inside your industry?

[1] Meant as comparison to “fuck-you money” meaning you’re rich enough to never have to work again, and therefore stand up to BS when you see it, not fearing the consequences. Alternatively, my “fuck-you status” is being so essential that you can just nope out of shit you don’t want to deal with and your employer works around it.

You mean switch to management or switch from finance to some other domain?

That's awesome that you're a world recognized expert. I hope I can at least be a company recognized expert one day.

Do what you need to to work on something niche but very important, and then get recognition for your accomplishments. Work will then come to you and you can be more selective about what you choose to work on.

I agree as with this all well :/