I've also noticed that, while not really relevant here, small talk is a good way to gauge people's interest in having a conversation at all. If you dive right into big topics like hopes and dreams right off the bat, the other person might not be engaged, but if you ease your way in with small talk and receive a lot of energy back, that can be a positive signal to get to the deeper stuff.
For example if someone asks “What do you do for a living?” I will give the same answer I have given 1000 times. Ill ask them and they will do the same. There is nothing unique here.
Each to their own though.
yeah, but you're supposed to then extrapolate on the other persons' pre-rehearsed response in order to escalate the conversation into something that flows without effort.
"What do you do for a living?"
"Mergers and Acquisitions."
"Oh. I have a friend that does nearly the same thing. They told me this anecdote, does that kind of thing ever happen to you?"
"Oh, as a matter of fact.."
Without small talk there is no sharing of useless trivia by which to use as a jumping off point into real conversation, unless there was some introduction or motivation behind the meeting, anyway.
If I'm just meeting you, it's new information to me, regardless of how many times you've said it! And that opens the door to more interesting conversation. Maybe I do something very related, or are interested something about that job, or whatever. Or maybe it leads nowhere. But that's how smalltalk goes, you dance around until you find a mutually interesting topic.
Reminds me of a joke:
— "What's your name?"
— "Damien."
— "Oh, you don't hear that name every day!"
— "Actually, I do."
Just talk about anything. Talk about how the seats in the pub you are in aren’t comfy, then just yes and whatever they say and it will form a natural conversation.
You will know the basics about someone because the conversation will inevitably loop back to that naturally during stories.
Of course, it's hard to apply that lesson now...
I hate it too but I'm trying to learn to be okay with it and get good at it - it's never going away.
PS: I was thinking about a "handshake" analogy first, which is quite funny in hindsight ...
To me small talk is the lubricant that makes conversations flow smooth with strangers. You can hear inflections and humor and irony all in a relatively safe, unemotional topic. Also, since your philosophical side is not needed, your emotional intelligence can be more engaged. For example, just by seeing how someone responds to a comment on the weather, you can learn about the person and maybe even find a shared bond(even if it is one as small as you both dislike hot, humid weather). Finally, especially needed in this divided time, it serves to humanize one to the other. So, I guess I am a fan of small talk.