When I spend so much time idling by and letting that frustration build up... I just start questioning if I'll be able to do other roles and not fail the team or whatever company I'll be working for because of how dormant I am.
It's not like I knew a lot. I don't consider myself to be super talented, just the average guy trying to make it out there but yea... I need to look into moving on.
...doing something hard and outside of your comfort zone I guess is what I am recommending.
After five years at this place I finally got my shit together and applied for a job
I spent the job interview asking pointed questions about their infrastructure and how they ran their business and then I contrasted their way of doing things with my old job and explained why their way was so much better
Turns out I was learning! And learning how NOT to do things carries some value
This list will show you that it hasn't been a complete waste of your time, and it will show future employers that you're thoughtful, observant, respectful of your own time, and healthily critical.
> I'm a huge mess
> I feel I'm just wasting
> doesn't feel like I'm doing anything with my career
Sounds like it does affect you in every sense.
You should probably try to adjust that, before you burnout not just for that specific job but your carrer in general