I make at least 30% less than any systems related industry job out there, so no I don't think my salary demands are outrageous. I think it's a combination of ageism, having a family - hence not being willing to put in insane hours, and the idea that someone coming from the public sector cannot succeed anywhere else.

Consider throwing your extra time into a side project. You'll come out ahead regardless. You'll get a nice chunk of passive income, you'll replace your day gig income and have a lot more flexibility, or you could turn it into a demo to show during interviews.

simonswords82 in this discussion claims that the side project SaaS passive income is now a thing of the past.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19164389

you could turn it into a demo to show during interviews.

That is my plan.