This is also (arguably) the point of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken

Some clarifying info on how the poem is the most misread & misunderstood poem in America, for those interested (it's actually an ironic poem about self-deception to avoid regret rather then a "triumphant self-assertion"):

> Frost’s poem turns this expectation on its head. Most readers consider “The Road Not Taken” to be a paean to triumphant self-assertion (“I took the one less traveled by”), but the literal meaning of the poem’s own lines seems completely at odds with this interpretation. The poem’s speaker tells us he “shall be telling,” at some point in the future, of how he took the road less traveled by, yet he has already admitted that the two paths “equally lay / In leaves” and “the passing there / Had worn them really about the same.” So the road he will later call less traveled is actually the road equally traveled. The two roads are interchangeable.

> According to this reading, then, the speaker will be claiming “ages and ages hence” that his decision made “all the difference” only because this is the kind of claim we make when we want to comfort or blame ourselves by assuming that our current position is the product of our own choices (as opposed to what was chosen for us or allotted to us by chance). The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives. “The Road Not Taken” may be, as the critic Frank Lentricchia memorably put it, “the best example in all of American poetry of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” But we could go further: It may be the best example in all of American culture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Source: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misr...

edit: whoops, someone beat me to it and already posted the link

Good poem! I think is also the point in the movie “Mr Nobody”

Wow, a great poem.

It is, but like all poetry, its interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. This 2015 article suggests the poem is actually NOT about boldly taking the path less traveled.

" The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives. “The Road Not Taken” may be, as the critic Frank Lentricchia memorably put it, “the best example in all of American poetry of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” But we could go further: It may be the best example in all of American culture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. "

https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misr...

Thanks for posting this randcraw. I was about to do the same before I saw your link.

To add to your description: The author of this article suggests that The Road Less Traveled is not about the action of taking the riskier or more adventurous path. It is about how, in the future, we need to justify the decisions we made in the past.

"According to this reading, then, the speaker will be claiming “ages and ages hence” that his decision made “all the difference” only because this is the kind of claim we make when we want to comfort or blame ourselves by assuming that our current position is the product of our own choices (as opposed to what was chosen for us or allotted to us by chance). The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives."

There is a lot of advice on this thread, so I might have missed it, but perhaps what I can contribute to the OP is that they should reflect on what they have the ability to change, and what they can not.

Be realistic about what you can contribute now, and what in the future you will be able to contribute with a concerted effort. Focus on your short-term ability and try to dovetail that with your long-term goals.

I don't really like quoting Tech Barons, but here's a good one from Bill Gates.

"We often overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in ten."

Here's a Socrates reference:

"When his advice was asked whether to marry or not, he said, 'Whichever you do, you will regret it!' "

- Diogenes Laertius, Life of Socrates, from Lives of the Philosophers, ~200AD

There's a great episode of the Stanford Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders by Dave Evans on "Designing the Life You Really Want" where he suggest applying design thinking to designing your life. Including how to use rapid prototyping for life choice questions such as this.

https://ecorner.stanford.edu/podcast/designing-the-life-you-...

Thank you so much for that quote from Kierkegaard. I've been trying to put it into words and haven't been able to. It's nice to read it as such.

> Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way

How does one regret hanging himself?

Same way you wake up dead.

Seriously though, one of the consistent things said by people who attempted to commit suicide by jumping from the Golden Gate bridge but survived were (paraphrasing) "At that moment, I realized that of all the problems in my life, this(jumping) was the only one I couldn't fix".

At that point, when it was too late, they regretted it.

There's a general consensus of immediate regret.

https://abc7news.com/society/second-chances-i-survived-jumpi...

Kirkegaard's existentialism was religious in nature, in contrast to the later atheist existentialism of Sartre. So it's quite possible that from Kirkegaard's perspective, it could be possible to regret things after your death (or maybe it's just a joke - I haven't read Either/Or, so I'm not sure how far along toward his religious phase he was when he wrote it)

Either/Or is noted for presenting two perspectives, with the first volume demonstrating a hedonistic take on life, and the second a more "adult" religious take.

I couldn't personally get through the second volume yet, but I plan to some day, when I'm older. In the meanwhile, I would quite recommend the first volume, which I've read twice.

I took it as a joke. It's a very silly and funny book, in parts.

There is a opportunity for regret in the short moments after kicking the stool away.

Possibly quite long moments, depending on how well you prepared everything.

By failing to do so successfully, or by being saved before the damage is irreversible.

There is no such thing as a successful suicide. Just complete and incomplete.

Seems like a semantic argument to me.

Or, you can understand this and not regret decisions when you look back

I wonder if Kierkegaard being Danish is at all related to Danes being the happiest people in the world.

I'm Danish, I didn't really understand that for a long time. I would say that it doesn't mean Danes are super happy, it's just that the good economy, free education, free health care and strong social benefits makes it much harder to be very unhappy. So just happier on average.

Coming from Sweden I very much relate to this. For what it's worth I've also often wondered to what degree these types of polls control for a societal aversion against / lack of comfort with expressing displeasure and unhappiness.

How's the saying go? En svensk tiger?

So I guess it depends upon what regrets are you happy to live with.

Amazing

I know very few people who regret having kids, unless they're single parents. Most of my friends in fact say it's the best thing in their life ... on the contrary 100% of people who don't have kids and are over their prime to have any they regret it or give you an unconvincing, hesitant answer along the lines of "maybe it's better" ... Now having children too early that's a different story.

This point of you'll regret it anyway is wrong in my opinion. I believe you are way more likely to regret things you've never done than thing you have done.

And that's why it's wrong, you can make relatively sound decisions using degree of regret as a measure as opposed to assuming you will regret it equally ... when you look at your life and project yourself to your deathbed imagine how you'd feel.

Admitting you regret having children is a social suicide, nobody will be open about it in public. Moreover, saying this is the best thing in your life is the only acceptable answer and anything less would make people look down on you with pity and casual disdain.

Still they exist, just look for them on parenting forums, reddit threads, facebook groups. But yes, a lot of them is about having chrildren too early

It’s social suicide, but it’s just also really, really hard. I don’t really think humans are biologically built to regret their kids until they reach a certain level of independence.

Take it with a grain of salt though, it’s purely anecdotal.

100%? That sounds like a real statistic and not totally something you've made up.

In any case, how you feel on your deathbed is about the least relevant feeling you will ever have in your life.

Well, I think the point is that 'deathbed' scenarios can be useful - what one can imagine regretting - in remembering what's important in life. Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. It's just hard to imagine wishing that, given most office jobs. Regretting not spending more time with friends, family, loved ones seems not unlikely. ‘My only regret’, Keynes said, ‘is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.’

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/

Importance is relative and your personality and values tend to change over the course of your life. The version of you that lies on a deathbed has no future, his mental state is probably not in the best condition and his final regrets aren't going to last for long.

Regretting that you haven't done anything significant in your life is as probable as regretting you haven't had enough fun.

Here is a nice article that made me think about this https://medium.com/@rikardhjort/the-deathbed-fallacy-5e54d96...

>Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office.

Plenty of people who lost their jobs and opportunities because they shirked on work wish that. I've personally wished I'd spent more time at the office, so it is definitely not "no-one" who wishes that.

The broader point here is not to confuse what we want to be -- either the stories we tell ourselves or chew-on from emotionally inspiring stories -- with what we actually are as animals trying to survive in this crazy world. It's not conventional wisdom that what you think now matters more than on your deathbed, but one shouldn't be a slave to conventional wisdom so severely that they can't conceive of non-conventional wisdom as true.

You also don't need to worship someone's word just because they were famous. If Keynes wanted to contribute to my happiness, he needs to do more than produce trite quotes. Perhaps champagne would have lead to that, but it is doubtful. In any case, real people aren't playing a statistical game; whether or not I am likely to regret something is analogous to whether or not I am likely to live with a German Shepherd. Statistics say "no", but the truth doesn't need to confirm or support that, because the statistics are based on missing information that I actually possess. The information you possess about your own life is a tool you should leverage to ignore such silly quotes.