From what I see, the 'true analytics' available are exactly the same as what I'm getting already. The data's available from my current service to download raw if I want to export it to another analytics platform anyway. I already have (free!) public status pages, as do most competitors' offerings, so it's not another service.

I don't mean to shit on your product, it's good! I think you need to be clearer about why I should pay quite so much more for it. At the moment it doesn't seem worth it by a long shot. If you plan to build the platform out into something more featureful, then say that, and give early adopters a discount (so that they're not paying more for services which are currently equivalent). Uptime Robot has been around for 8 years, and they're still giving out early-adopter discounts!

Where do you get your status pages from?

EDIT: I wrote some OSS to email you if a service (like a cronjob) does not check in[0]. Maybe I should add a status page component to it so you can see failed services at a glance, that seems like the right way to do status pages.

[0]: https://gitlab.com/stavros/caduceus

My word I’ve been looking for a self-hosted alternative to Dead Man’s Snitch for ages. Thank you for this!

You're welcome, that's exactly why I made it! Please open an issue if you have any feature requests or notice any bugs!

I use UptimeRobot too. Works fine for me and I get reliable notifications by e-mail when an IP address or domain is unavailable.