A quick Stackoverflow job search shows seven postings in the past month. Two of them are what I would consider regular software engineering jobs. That's horrific to somebody who's worked in a healthy job market where, after a layoff, you can land another good job in a matter of days. Also there's the matter of career fulfillment. In Charlotte, you can either work for a startup for 60-90k or a soul-grinding finance job (or similar) if you want more. There aren't many of the former positions either.

RTP is a much better proposition in that part of the country. Similar cost of living and a real software industry.

So I know people who work as devs at banks- they live in big houses, work reasonable hours, have families and kids and hobbies like restoring cars or fishing. How is that more soul-grinding than working 10 hour days at some SV unicorn for imaginary equity with an hour commute to a one bedroom apartment?

it must be fun to hang out with your roomate in your 40's