Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help

Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by peterburkimsher on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @03:44AM (#15958701)

"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more"

When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem. Maybe they don't want to talk about it.

Ask "Are you OK?"

You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong.

If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend.

If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you.

If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend.

Then ask "What can I do to help you? You're not alone."

Focus on the solution.

If you want to know if someone trusts you, just ask "Are you OK?" and they will tell you.

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by colechristensen on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @04:10AM (#15958832)

This is simplistic and generally bad advice. Human relationships don't universally follow flow charts.

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by acorkery on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @03:50AM (#15958727)

If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend.
If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you.

If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend

I'm guessing you're a programmer :)

It's surely all about getting them to talk and open up, regardless of their answers?

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by solarkraft on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @04:51AM (#15959032)

I'm guessing close to everyone here has something to do with programming, no?

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by darepublic on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @10:05AM (#15960677)

It's more a comment on the switch statement style approach to personal interaction :p

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by Ultimatt on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @04:05AM (#15958788)

Protip you're a close friend when the positive emotional result for them after 20 minutes is the same regardless of how they answered. A bigger reason to say "fine" is they are depressive and dont trust themselves with their emotion.

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by ThePadawan on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @11:13AM (#15961184)

Unfortunately, "I'm fine" is a strongly ingrained default reaction in some circles. I feel this largely depends on culture (e.g. the British 'stiff upper lip' ideal) and negative media influence (personally, I'm thinking of the misguided idea of 'real men don't cry').

How do we get through that barrier?

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by colechristensen on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @03:06PM (#15963717)

In many cases, respect the cultural difference, don't try to make other people into what you prefer.

There is a difference between emotional intelligence and willingness to freely express emotion. "I'm fine" in many cases just means "no, thank you".

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Re:Modern life is lonely – We all need someone to help by AnIdiotOnTheNet on Tuesday December 19, 2017 @01:45PM (#15962778)

"I'm fine" is the default reaction because we've learned that the asker almost never genuinely gives a shit.

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