I agree with the spirit of your post ("make sure you actually want what you say you want"). But I wouldn't go so far as to say that you need to swear off relationships. Anecdotally, I (M) have found someone (F) who is just as serious as me about saving money, and we're very happy together.

In order to repeat finding someone like that, I'd suggest the following: open yourself up to all dating channels (in-person, online, Tinder, etc), make yourself visible, and be honest about your objectives. If you don't wanna be too direct about your frugality, you can casually name drop Mr. Money Mustache as a personal hero and anyone with similar interests will get the hint. Then once actually dating, aggressively cull anyone that doesn't meet your money-saving criteria.

As you might expect with all things dating, this is time-consuming, difficult, and discouraging at times. But if you're reading this, you're technically minded and you already understand that it's all just a numbers game, and success is just a matter of time. Adopt a systematic approach and you'll get there eventually

To end on another positive anecdote: I've met at least a handful of female candidates that are equally frustrated with the average guy not being seriously able to save money. So when you finally find the right person, the relief is mutual and it kicks off the relationship on a strong positive note.

Hang in there and good luck.

"And then before you know it, your youth will be gone. Time is more valuable than money."

Can't agree more. If I had to do it over again, I'd just live my life, not worry about being super frugal or saving a ton of money.

Yeah, this is what scares me. How do you live in the moment and plan for the future? How do you be fulfilled in work while having a good personal life? I’m kind of scared that some sort of balance between the two is completely idealized.

I’ve read a lot of Alan Watts recently, and his deal is enjoying life where you are. But at the same time, I really value personal freedom and doing my own thing.

And on top of all of that, I want to be happy with my future SO, whoever she is. Maybe I’m just going through a conflict of goals right now.

Life is a huge and beautiful thing, and I just want to live as much of it as I can.

>And then before you know it, your youth will be gone. Time is more valuable than money.

For precisely this reason one should find out exactly what they need to be content and quit the rat race as soon they can. No point slaving away your time at work for unnecessary comforts.

> you're basically swearing off having a serious relationship.

Ha! What nonsense. It is cheaper for two people to live together, to cook together, to go on holiday together, to travel together, to game together, to invest together...

I'm struggling to think of anything that isn't cheaper when done as a couple. Even if you find the cheapest living space possible - it becomes a lot cheaper if someone else is contributing 50% of the costs.

Couples have this tendency to produce children, which tend to come with additional costs.

Couples also have a tendency to use something called a contraceptive.

Even if you're not swearing off a serious relationship, you're almost certainly swearing off having children. And this is an interesting thing because my attitude toward having children wasn't the same in my twenties as it was in my thirties. Children weren't a serious consideration at all when I was younger, but after I met my now wife, I began to want children far more seriously.

Or maybe he is living/want to live somewhere cheap. In my country (still in club of rich countries and part of EU) will 80k/year puts you in rank of 1% by earning.

Even if you are not living in somewhere that cheap, 80k should be enough to afford you dating, children (or two) and probably even enough to live off that one income stream.

You do not have to limit as a hermit to save up tons of money.

Daily "spending money" to go to the movies or the bar with friends is very very little when compared to the average salary of a Google engineer.

The way to save up money is to get a job that pays 2X or 3X more than a comparable job (or in other words, don't work for startups. Go work for one of the big 5 tech companies).

You are wasting your time if you are worrying about saving 20 dollars here and there by not going out to a bar with friends.

To add to this, make the saving automatic. If possible, have your check direct deposited between two different bank accounts, a fixed amount going into one, and the remainder to the second. Use the fixed amount account to auto-pay all your living expenses, and other fixed bills, and to auto-transfer a set amount into whatever your investment vehicle of choice is. You will need a bit more going into this checking account than the average of all your bills, to cover variances. Then once a year take the excess, and dump that into an investment.

The second account is then used for daily expenses such as groceries, restaurants, and other entertainment.

Hangin' out the passenger side

of his best friend's ride..

I believe the opposite may be true. You may be swearing off marrying or dating a gold digger, but why would you want to? I have a well dressed, intelligent, good looking wife and she makes more than she costs.

You seem to delight in not actually helping the OP with their considered and specific goal. I strongly recommend avoiding specific personal advice when people have clearly thought through what's best for them (and have stated so) when you have neither met them nor attempted to understand their specific personal life.

Is there no value in criticism? Sometimes the correct answer is that you're asking the wrong question.