It's not just a name change. She was in prison for several years.

When she got out, she tries to fix up her accounts.

If someone walks up to a bank years after no activity and wants a name change (and maybe a gender change) on an account should the bank just do it? Probably not without 3rd party verification that the customer has to initiate by filling out some forms and providing evidence.

I'm just speculating but it could have been reasonable for the bank to have declined the request up front.

Sure, but the response shouldn't be "sorry", it should be "here's our process. Thank you for the letter from a judge changing your name, we'll confirm that with the courthouse and should be good to go."

I am not trying to excuse rudeness. Only trying to point out that this was an extraordinary case.

I bet if it was a woman that got married and changed her last name, it would be super simple.

Having worked at a helpdesk: "computer says no" is effectively the same as "my company/boss says no". Most of those systems are intentionally set up so that you can't override them for an edge case. It's not a smart way to do things, but it's the way things are done.

How's that different from bad customer service in an earlier era? "I don't know what form you need and my manager is at lunch."