Re:Jefferies gives IBM Watson a Wall Street reality check
by rdiddly on Friday July 14, 2017 @02:03AM
(#14767865)
Mostly good advice, except "Change needs feedback." No human talks like that. Change, as the subject of the sentence, "needs feedback?" What will happen when we take the feedback and give it to the change? What will the change do with the feedback? And what does the change need the feedback for?
Not all brevity is the soul of wit.
Re:Jefferies gives IBM Watson a Wall Street reality check
by asveikau on Friday July 14, 2017 @10:31AM
(#14770056)
I do agree that something was lost.
How about "for change to happen, we need your feedback"? I think that conveys the message and request accurately and succinctly.
Re:Jefferies gives IBM Watson a Wall Street reality check
by retreatguru on Thursday July 13, 2017 @11:27PM
(#14767213)
I loved your dissection of classic corporate-speak!
Re:Jefferies gives IBM Watson a Wall Street reality check
by anjc on Friday July 14, 2017 @12:10AM
(#14767399)
Ok Watson
Re:Jefferies gives IBM Watson a Wall Street reality check
by lfender6445 on Thursday July 13, 2017 @11:47PM
(#14767304)
i like how you made it more succinct by changing it to "Change needs feedback" but your drawn out explanation makes you sound like a person who doesn't know how to provide feedback
"Change", as used here, is a noun based on the verb "to change". If your sentence calls for a verb, you can just go back to the original "to change".
Something isn't essential "toward" something else. It is essential "for" something else.
"is essential" is unnecessarily passive. Use active verbs.
"getting feedback" is slightly wrong, because what you need is the feedback, not the act of getting it.
"At the same time" is used here because it sounds smarter than "but". Don't do that.
Try this: "Change needs feedback".