I am atheist (born and raised). What do you mean by the Catholic heaven sending you into despair? I thought it was supposed to be a fun and happy place. Hell does sound scary as hell (pun intended) though and I'd rather stop existing than risk going there. For the record, a capricious god which allows hell to exist is incompatible with my definition of benevolent. That being said, if I believed the Catholic god truly existed, you can be sure I'd be following the bible to the letter (a tiny price to pay to avoid an eternity in hell).