I remember reading a piece about alcoholism where it was describing an alcoholic who concluded that everyone drinks a great deal and just doesn't admit it because that was what their social circle was like. I rarely drink alcohol and have known plenty of people like me, so, no, not everyone drinks.

Most people suffer confirmation bias. We look for confirmation of what we believe to be true about a thing. It is unusual for someone to actively seek more objective data and try to determine what the actual truth is. Most of us default to trying to fit the world to our preconceived notions of it.

The culture of the South Bay is relatively non-existent outside of small pockets like Palo Alto, Los Gatos, Mountain view, and maybe Santana Row. It's geared toward raising kids and family life in general.

Could you clarify what you mean? Because it sounds like either you are saying "Culture only exists in tiny parts of certain places, no place else in the South Bay even has a culture" (which is utterly nonsensical) or maybe you are saying "People who have kids and put family life first are not part of any culture." (again, a big fat nope).

Culture is a human artifact and although it exists partly out there in the world we create, a big piece of it lives inside us and informs us of the proper way to interact with both other people and the spaces we share. Sometimes, people who decry the lack of culture of an area are telling you more about themselves than about the area.

I was merely sharing my observation that certain areas in the South Bay tend to have more stuff to do (i.e. a downtown). Not sure why you took that as me denigrating parents and families. Perhaps I was being vague.

I agree that culture is something, as you put it, that is kept inside of us. However, people don't exist in a vaccum. We are very much influenced by the environment we live in. Most people don't exist in a cultural vacuum where they don't interact with the larger cultural forces in their environment.

My (admittedly anecdotal) experience has been that the South Bay is primarily a work culture. Having lived both in SF and the South Bay, I can tell you that both are offering very different answers for the same question, regardless of whether or not you are single, married, or have kids.

Yeah, no. Please do not assume that a reply of mine to one of three replies to my actual request for clarification is some kind of commentary on you.

I agree that culture is something, as you put it, that is kept inside of us.

That isn't at all what I said. I said it is a human artifact and part of it is stuff out in the world and part of it is a thing inside us, which is very different from saying it is "only" inside us, which is what your framing strongly suggests you read it to mean. In which case, it is you who are misconstruing my comments.

My (admittedly anecdotal) experience has been that the South Bay is primarily a work culture.

Thank you for clarifying.

But the South Bay is basically suburbia, SJ technically being a "city" notwithstanding. So just like pretty much every other urban area in the US, there's enormously more "culture" (in the Arts, Theater, and Culture section of the newspaper sense) in the city, SF in this case, than in the suburbs.

Boston/Cambridge are exactly the same way. I live well West and like it but if I want to go to see a show or music performance, 95% of the time I'm going to drive into town.

Sure there are disproportionately more workaholics in the area. There are also disproportionately fewer people who work 9-5 then go home and veg out on their couch. To me, the lifestyle here is rich and amazing. Where I grew up, which was in an equally large and cosmopolitan city, it's too cold or too hot for 4-6 months of the year to do much outdoors, salaries weren't high enough for people to routinely go to expensive restaurants or travel, and the geography is nowhere near as beautiful or interesting.

Maybe you should look inward more and take charge of your life; it may be that you're hanging around people who focus entirely on work, and so your perception is skewed.

Campbell also has a nice downtown; while it's not San Jose, it's surrounded by San Jose and is basically the same metro and is VTA-accessible. There's also Saratoga and Los Gatos, but those are further out.

Downtown, I'll grant you, though. San Pedro Square can be OK, and the area nearer the University has some quirky stuff, but it has a ways to go. It's gotten somewhat better over the years, though, and I think BART coming to the area may accelerate that a bit since it can actually be a destination.

But here's one thing I've found: People who really want to have fun find a way. There are small pockets all over the bay. SJ downtown is a little lame but it is getting better

You're overstating the issue. It's not New York or San Francisco, for sure, and we sure do need better rapid transit but you're definitely not an hour and a half from everything cool. You're more like half an hour or so. You just need to look for it.

The South Bay is a residential suburb. It doesn't have much of a nightlife. The same can be said about most of the places people live in this country outside of the densest urban centers.

If that's not what you want, then by all means move. But recognize that this is exactly the sort of stability many people strive hard for.

* Rock climbing * Scuba diving in Monterey * Bicycling on the bay trail * Board gaming clubs * Meetups * Wineries * The boardwalk in Santa Cruz

You can even take an hour train ride straight to SF and spend the day with the snobs and homeless. And then take the same train home to a place that doesn't stink like urine.