The second love of my life had issues like anyone else, but the depression and anxiety didn't REALLY manifest themselves until a year into our marriage, after we were together for 6. I wanted to run. I wanted to quit. Not from the depression alone but because she refused to acknowledge a problem until it got REALLY bad. But she promised she would work on it, she promised we'd talk to a counsellor. I stayed. She went on anti-depressants. We talked to a counsellor. We got through it. Things got good again.
But they'll never be 100%. In the year since then, there have been 2 more dips. Each time, like the last, she refused to acknowledge a problem, I faced the decision "Well, either the person I love is a terrible person who I don't want to be with, or they're suffering from something, and I need to be there to help them." Each time she finally admitted a problem, and things got better. But she doesn't want to talk to a counsellor anymore. She's too stubborn, too independent, doesn't want to admit weakness. (Not because I would judge - I'm much more the empathetic and emotionally open of the two of us). So I don't expect us to be ever 100% again.
All this to say that I would give the exact same advice as you, thro32. If you still have the choice early, get out while you can.
I'd strongly suggest telling someone how you are feeling if you have not already. I've been there myself where my significant other was having physical health issues and I was just spent emotionally, physically and financially. That discussion with my spouse and family was a big turning point for all of us for the better.
You don't abandon family.
Then again I'm Asian so perhaps our sense of family is different. For example, we often treat our cousins like siblings.
I'm not saying that we should run away at the first sign of mental health issues. I just think that there are plenty of situations where it might be the right decision. It's obvious in extreme cases, but the decision will always be extremely difficult.
For what it's worth, I think most people view their spouse as "family". It's hard to imagine a different arrangement.
As an extrovert, it's generally my role in the family to go deal with stuff for them and run interference socially. My wife often takes me to social functions just so I can hold the conversations for her. I know she needs it, so I do it.
Not to say introversion and anxiety are the same thing. My daughter is actually pretty extroverted, as long as she feels comfortable and in control, but when her anxiety kicks in, she becomes painfully shy.
That being said, I think you're doing a noble thing. By taking little steps to overcome these issues are the best way to get through the root cause.
I was with someone who had very very high anxiety issues. She also had ADHD and I'm sure some other disorders. She was on lexipro, lorazepam, clonazepam, diazepam, zoloft and other medications.
Thankfully I was with this person for just 1 year.
I was able to get out, but at such cost to my own mental health. Even after 6 years, I still don't have my own pieces together. It's like they say, once something has broken. You just can't put it back together the way it was.
> My best advice is to get out NOW
Best advice ever. You have my admiration if you are able to work it out and have an understanding partner. Unfortunately, I did not have an understanding partner. Even though, I moved heaven and earth to be there for her in every way, it just was not enough.
Although I should be saying, I hope she finds happiness. Except, I really feel bad for the guy she is with now. As her baggage is enormous. Instead, I hope she is getting the professional help she needs!
My best advice is to get out NOW if you can. Maybe things are working out now, but you are barely floating. Add normal family life into picture: children, job loss, some injury, any sort of accident... and you will sink to bottom faster than a stone.