There's a catch-22 here: you can't raise the topic of diamonds without her understanding you are thinking about marriage. And even if you've been together for years, it may just not have come up. And people are unpredictable: she may just have an irrational dream of a diamond ring. So I think the worry is justified and not necessarily a sign of insufficient marriage-maturity. But that doesn't change the advice: the only solution is talking about it.
Re:Diamonds Suck (2006)
by acjohnson55 on Sunday November 13, 2016 @02:04PM
(#12944962)
A complete surprise proposal is a bad idea, IMO. We're talking about a (nominally) lifelong decision. In a relationship with good communication, the proposal should be a formality, because marriage has been explicitly discussed, probably many times, over the course of the relationship. It can and should still be a romantic moment and even a bit of a surprise.
It's only a catch-22 if you can't let her know you are thinking about marriage before you propose. Just saying that out loud it sounds like such a ridiculous idea: I might want to marry her, but I can't let her know that I'm thinking about it.
You say it's not a sign of a lack of maturity, but it sounds exactly like a lack of maturity to me (an inability to communicate honestly with someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with about really basic stuff).
First and foremost, it's a proof of social status between her and her peers, so you need to know who her friends are. But there are so many factors to weigh in. Someone I know got a sapphire ring to propose to his girlfriend, and she commented about how she was glad that he remembered that she hated diamonds. A couple I know have silver wedding bands which were made by an artist that they both know. The rings are unique and special—and this is important—in a way that they can brag about. They don't brag about it, but they could, if they were that kind of people.
However, if you are unable to express your concerns about diamonds without worrying that she'll think you love her less, then you are NOT ready to propose. Consider premarital counseling—which is something you do to get ready for marriage, not something you do because you have problems.