I'm going to try to shed a little light on how chronic pain and disability is a bit different than acute.
I've lived with chronic pain for over 10 years. As a registered person with disabilities, college resources helped me get by - but these did not exist in the real world for someone like me.
It prevented me from working in my field of study and preference and severely limited my freedom and willingness to take risks. I encouraged friends and peers to chase my dreams; they have succeeded where I could not.
On the spectrum of pain and disability I'm relatively lucky. My condition cannot kill me. At worst, it can only prevent me from doing what I want and deny my dreams. I have managed, and am somewhere in the top 20%. My old friends are in the top 5%. I burn my life doing irrelevant work because my employer has a good benefits package that has my back if I take a turn for the worse.
Now, with age, my body and mind is starting to deteriorate, and with it the dream of figuring a way to truly overcome my challenges rather than just get by.
I have it pretty good.
Anyway, I'm off to an experimental treatment where they'll stab me 20-30 times with a needle. Unfortunately my condition causes hypersensitivity. Acute pain doesn't really matter though. They claim to have improvement in 70% of patients but the published, controlled, literature is less encouraging. This is the best outlook and most hope I've had in years.
Maybe if I keep calm, remain positive, and make myself more susceptible to placebo I can get my life back. Or maybe I'll just be one of the lucky ones.
Chronic pain can be really, really, debilitating.
Think about what you are going to do in a few hours. Maybe you'll hop on public transit to meetup with someone. Or maybe bike somewhere. Or take a shower. Or make a sandwich. Or make love.
Now imagine if you had a really bad joint (ankle, knee) or back. Suddenly, taking public transit has additional complexities, like does the station have a lot of stairs and a lengthy distance to the train? Will I be able to get a seat? Or if I'm biking, is my commute going to flare up my joint/back? If I take a shower, I can't stand too long lest a joint start to get painful. Besides, I have to 'save' my pain threshold for situations that are a bit less controlled like walking to the bank or returning an item.
Whereas most people can spend 100% concentration on their surroundings, I have to expend mental energy thinking "Where's the next seat? How long am I standing up for? Am I causing damage to myself?" When science and medicine can't do much, and quality of life drops dramatically, it's hard not to think about alternatives.
Death is permanent but it does have one advantage: it's silent. There's no more pain.
In the US you only got the problem that the usually subscribed extended-release pain killer only works 2/3 of the period, but everywhere else this is a solved problem with its 4-6 hours cycle.
We know so much less about the human body than we think we do. When giving birth to our first son, she was given the maximum dose epideral and was told she wouldn't be able to walk for a few days because of intense numbness. Not only did she walk to the bathroom shortly after giving birth, but it didn't even lessen the pain.
Not everybody responds to and gets the benefits of modern medicine as we'd like. I'm grateful that medicine does work on me and my children though.
Scratch that: ~~~No, you (most probably) wouldn't.~~~
EDIT: this post is about severe chronic pain. Think cancer, or a serious toothache which lasts for years. And it's not meant to discuss the specific situation of the parent! I'm talking in general. I also agree that not 100% patients with severe chronic pain will consider suicide, however the percentage of people considering suicide in such group is much higher than in the rest of the population.
You may believe so right now, but that's totally irrelevant: just as you were unable to imagine "how much pain it was possible to feel" before your experience, you are unable to imagine what a serious, chronic pain can do to you.
Chronic pain is a lot like depression: there's no relief, no hope, nothing you can do to ever feel any better. Assuming that you'd be able to do anything - and that doing that would even make you happy - is... well, very improbable, to say the least.
> Anyway the point is, not everyone is afraid of pain and suffering. Especially not to the point that suicide would even be considered.
Sure, it's easy to be brave in the face of the unknown. It's a lot harder to be brave once you see what "chronic pain" really means. And there is no notion of being brave (or not) once it actually happens to you - there's only despair and suffering. Really, only that. Nothing else, at all.
We have a lot of pain management methods at our disposal now and, in many cases, it's possible to reduce the symptoms and make the patient feel "well enough". Without such help, however, it's only a matter of time before (most of) the patient considers suicide - no matter how brave and "suffering accepting" he was before.
It doesn't matter if the "the percentage of people considering suicide in such group is much higher than in the rest of the population" if that percentage is still small within such a group.
E.g. if 1% kills themselves in the general population, while 2% or even 5% kill themselves in such a group, that's still 95%, an overwhelming majority, that do not.
In which case, what the parent thinks now is not "totally irrelevant" but mostly correct.
>And there is no notion of being brave (or not) once it actually happens to you - there's only despair and suffering. Really, only that. Nothing else, at all.
I've seen people with chronic pain (including long-term fatal cases) that are not just "despair and suffering". Including people who have dreams and follow them (creative work etc) despite the pain.
> I've seen people with chronic pain (including long-term fatal cases) that are not just "despair and suffering". Including people who have dreams and follow them (creative work etc) despite the pain.
Without any kind of pain management? With severe, chronic pain?
Well, what I witnessed may have been outliers, but once you hear a person you care for begging to "please, just make it stop" every time she was able to actually articulate some words instead of screaming in pain... that leaves a mark.
What I'm saying is that there is - possibly very different for different people - a threshold of (pain-intensity times pain-time-length) above which everyone will be considering suicide. That the people you know are below such threshold doesn't mean it's not there. Having seen people way above it I really can't accept people telling me that they'd rather "live with the pain". What they mean is they'd rather live with bearable pain, which is OK; however, there is such a thing as an unbearable pain and I don't believe there is anyone who'd like to live with it.
You seem to conflate chronic pain with "living in total agony", like some terminal patient.
People here are not talking about that. Maybe do some reading about what "chronic pain" means medically? It's not just a single thing like the one you described.
It bothers people around me that I limp though. Oh well.
I gave the example of acute pain because that was more challenging to me than the chronic.
I have those types of issues too. Most of us do once we get old enough.
They don't really bother me. Like yours, I can overcome them. Almost everyone does.
I suspect if either of us had trained all our lives to be, and wanted to be professional runners, it would bother us greatly.
It is merely your opinion that he wouldn't keep going with chronic pain, he has a different opinion.
There's no way for us to verify yours or his claim.
Also, the "(most probably)" part of that sentence in my previous comment is there specifically to show that I'm not making absolute statements...
Pain and grief, even when they are absolutely horrible, don't appear to be strongly correlated with suicide. Inescapable problems, even when they are not so severe, absolutely do.
Broadly, people seem to turn to suicide either when their circumstances seem unimprovable (chronic pain, inescapable debt, irreparable loss) or when they lose the ability to imagine recovery (acute depression, various forms of psychosis). I think that when considering suicide, experiences like "I've been in that much pain" are basically irrelevant - the operant part is the permanence, not the severity.
Kind of like being short, or not as smart as the next guy. It's just the way it is. No point worrying about it.
However, if you viewed it as a serious problem and when is it going to be fixed and then... never... yeah, that would be very different.
Even with chronic pain, it's probably not the end of the world when it's "an ache in my knee when I move in this direction" or even "a mild ache in my knee always". But if it's "at random, frequent times, my back hurts too badly to stand or function", that's super hard to ignore or get used to, and I can see being incredibly upset by it. Cluster headaches come to mind as following this sporadic + devastating pattern, and indeed they do cause a fair bit of suicide.
"Can't escape it" and "can't get used to it" are an ugly combination.
It was down to just like broken bone painful then so I decided to just deal with it so I could learn how to tolerate severe pain (I was 14 at the time), I figured it would be a useful skill. My parents were a little shocked that I decided to deal with it. I passed the time reading c++ books.
The pain did make me take a lot of breaks and sleep to bring my willpower back.
I still feel it now, but it's more like the feeling of a minor cut on your finger.
Honestly, I think I have the opposite problem. Pain hasn't been sufficient for me to avoid injury. I probably could have avoided many issues if I listened to it a little.
Unfortunately, whatever caused the arthralgia was (and still is) a complete mystery, and by day 5 of having top pediatricians explaining "nothing is out of the ordinary" I pragmatically, unemotionally contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. Somehow the ailment completely disappeared over the following weeks and hasn't returned, but it's quite something to feel that pain will truly and honestly never stop. It's not even that your brain goes into panic mode. It's a different mode of existence altogether – I can't even imagine people suffering through years of pain even 1/100th of the intensity of what I had.
It isn't easy. The pharmacological therapies I know would be most effective are too expensive. And so I have to choose how to avoid suffering from my pain, every day. I choose work, music, my family, antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication, and participating in communities (like this one) where I may find peers.
[0]: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ankylosing_spondylitis [1]: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psoriatic_arthritis [2]: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_uveitis [3]: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HLA-B27
Humans are very often disabled by pain alone, with neligible body damage. That's clearly evolutionary disadvantageous. Makes torture possible, etc.
Relevant xkcd: http://xkcd.com/883/
Generally speaking, of course, that's not a safe bet. Suffering tends to be associated with damage and psychological stress, which are rarely good things. I'd take 8/10 pain every day for the next 40 years though over something like dimentia or advanced alzheimers.
That said, I'd also take pain over severe depression. That shit sucks.
My back gave out once and for about a week nearly every movement was excruciating. Getting out of bed was a 10 minute ordeal. Trying to sit down on the toilet or stand up was excruciating. Trying to sit down anywhere or lie back down on the a bed sent daggers of pain through my back. Turning in a chair or in the bed was just as bad. If a doctor had said "the rest of your life will be like this" I would have seriously considered ending it.
I've also had bad experience with bungled root canal and a resulting toothache that required 600-800mg of ibuprofen every 2.5 hours for 4 weeks while I waited for an appointment with the dentist to fix it. If the ibuprofen had not worked and had to live with that pain I would have unquestionably ended it.
Had a fingernail pulled out by a doctor once with no pain killers (well, he tried 3 injections of whatever over about 20 minutes but couldn't get the area around the nail to go numb). There's a reason denailing was used as torture. It causes extreme pain.
Whether others experience similar amounts of pain or I'm just a whimp I have no idea but of course I only have my experience to go on and I have a hard time believing if people experienced the same amount of pain every day they could truly live with it.
Suicidal ideation is due to the latter, not the former.
I wonder if you could model the "suicide critical point" as the point at which the importance of pain is greater than the importance of pleasure.
Somebody suffering and in pain but hopeful is not likely to commit suicide. Someone with a good, stable life and/or future but fixated on negative aspects or thinkings may be more inclined for suicide.
your post brought back a memory of mine. i crushed my finger once while doing something mechanical. the bone was crushed into pieces.
it hurt so bad i started laughing. i had to be driven to the hospital because i couldn't even see straight.
that level of pain is something else, for sure. it hurts so bad, but you can detach yourself from it, somehow.
If I had to be in serious pain every day but could keep doing many things I would rather keep living with the pain. The loss in experience is worse than any level of pain.
For the obvious counterpoint: I say that from experience not naivete. I've had a nerve in my hand accidentally sliced lengthwise (for a significant length) by a surgeon. The pain was so excruciating they had to put me under before I had a heart attack (heart rate+blood pressure both went off the charts, 290bpm)
However, before that happened I was much more interested in what was going on and how unique this level of pain was. It was fascinating. Prior to that I didn't really know how much pain it was possible to feel.
Anyway the point is, not everyone is afraid of pain and suffering. Especially not to the point that suicide would even be considered.