To put it as clearly and simply as possible, as if we were examining the results of a double-blind clinical trial:
OP attempts to change the channel. OP is loudly ridiculed in an unpleasant way.
Rando teammate changes the channel. Everyone thinks it's a really funny joke.
What changed? Just the OP. It's pretty obvious the team doesn't like her the way it likes the rest of its members. Is this necessarily an example of sexism, like the seat-belt incident that OP also references? Not necessarily, but it's certainly quite alienating.
Also, while I'm generally sympathetic to the idea that there is a hierarchy of things that are better and things that are worse, how impactful an event is, is ultimately subjective and often not under any conscious control. The time I was mugged in San Francisco honestly made much less of an impression than the time my coworker said he hated all of us and refused to go out for lunch.
You'd probably get laughed at.
It wouldn't be because people thought seafood was dumb. It wouldn't be because you looked funny, or were female, or played poorly that day. It would be because you misunderstood why the team went to Bob's week after week. The team doesn't go to Bob's because they've got a taste for pizza, they go to Bob's because they want a comfortable routine, shared experiences, and customs to uniquely identify their group.
The suggestion of giving those comforts up because you had a taste for fish sticks instead of pepperoni would be funny to the people who really appreciate them.
And so it goes with baseball on the TV.
It's a simple fact that usually in groups the majority rules. The majority wanted to watch baseball, not Friends.
No. OP wanted to change the channel away from THE established channel.
Had OP been a male, and a woman changed the channel back to baseball, the situation would have been the same.
And not only once -- the single event of her requesting a switch to the different show was repeatedly ridiculed, as if this was a completely outrageous suggestion. This would have been quite okay if she asked "could we watch Friends today instead" and the other team members looked at each other and simply responded "Eh, we'd all really like to watch this game".
you may be thinking about a 'Republic', in which the rights of the minority are protected, but THIS is democracy in ACTION.
I worked at a womens' clothing store for a while and I often felt like my opinion wasn't valued. The staff was mostly made up of women and I was treated inappropriately in the form of sexual harassment and unprofessional workplace conversations. I tried my best to keep out of it but I must admit I made mistakes.
Anyway, in the morning we often had a 'ritual' that we'd all get coffee in the backroom and talk about anything the store needed that day. I really liked what seemed like a time for open communication in the beginning. Everyone would have their coffee mugs lined up next to the machine - but for some reason another gal always moved my mug to the other side - she'd often separate property by gender? It was strange, to say the least... I always just put my mug with the others, but I started noticing that she would separate them. Over time this began to really bother me simply because of how small and benign it should have been. I'd come in, glance over, see that my mug was off to the side by itself... and it was easy to feel like I wasn't part of the team.
It just felt like... after all the serious problems there had to be dumb small ones too. Like not being able to enjoy Friends after long day of working on Microsoft Flight Sim. Everything had to be a problem, no matter how small the thing was. A coffee mug. A favorite TV show.
I don't think it helps to say we can share much worse experiences. Sexism or whatever this is doesn't go away because by comparison she had it easier than others. It's clear she felt undervalued in her team and that's a problem - especially in terms of how her productivity (may) have suffered. Microsoft should be working to reduce dumb stuff like this so everyone can work at their peak productivity - with the side-benefit of feeling camaraderie among their colleagues.
Personally I'd just go buy my own damn TV and watch alone in my office? :p
Maybe I don't have social skills either. :-)
If it's a very small incident, why is it such a big deal for her? Especially compared to the real harrassment by her mentor in the car?
> Over time this began to really bother me simply because of how small and benign it should have been.
Well, did you ask your coworker why she did that? Being an adult also means standing up for yourself (it doesn't have to be overly confrontational, just ask politely), especially since it apparently was just a single person, not bullying by your entire team.
As a followup to the thing I went through: I did confront my coworker. I spent a few weeks feeling like I couldn't bring it up because it's so small. This particular lady had always treated me funny so I didn't expect the conversation to go well. She said this was how they did it at her house (separating mugs) and I shouldn't care about it. I was the only dude on the staff so it just felt like I was being isolated from the group with mugs! I felt immature for even bringing it up. She stopped doing it for a while but when she switched shifts I'd get in the next day and see she'd done it again... it still makes me irrationally angry.
Now I just don't drink coffee, haha. XD
People are in a shared TV-viewing area. There is something being shown on TV. New person enters and decides to change the channel without asking.
This is the action of a total dickhead. I don't care what the established ritual is. If a group of people are clearly watching something else (and they must be, because here they are in the tv viewing area, and something else in being shown, and if they wanted to watch something else they'd have already changed the channel), to pick up the remote and change channel without asking is the action of a dickhead.
Possibly the action of someone on the aspergic scale, possibly the action of a sociopath who just doesn't care what other people want. Coming in and changing the channel without asking is simply a massive dickhead thing.
If it were a random situation, perhaps. If it is the established norm that a specific program is watched at a specific time, not so much.
When you walk into a shared TV viewing area with people in it, and there is something being shown on TV, even if it looks like nobody is looking at the screen at that moment, you should still ask before changing channel. Social fact. If it looks like nobody is watching it, you can soften it a little by framing the question as "Is anyone watching this, or can I change channel?"
I think this is an example of the conjunction fallacy, or The Linda Problem.
Bob walks in and changes the channel even though other people are watching.
Is Bob an asshole, or is Bob and asshole and has Asperger's?
For those unfamiliar with the Linda problem, Daniel Kahneman's Thinking Fast and Slow explains it.
There are far more assholes than there are people with Asperger's. Consequently Bob is probably an asshole, plain and simple.
That doesn't mean they are going to kill you, it means they understand how social hierarchies work and are moving up the ladder.
I believe I suggested that this was the action of a dickhead, OR the action of someone who would have trouble understanding the social rules that suggest he shouldn't just change channel without asking (e.g. Aspergic, or a sociopath of some sort; probably not textbook psychopath, as they're often charming and quite able to abide by social rules in this sort of situation). If I had said "AND" rather than "OR", I would agree with you. I certainly intended to offer the Aspergic/sociopath option as an alternative rather than an additive.
In fact I feel discriminated against as a man. I'd much rather watch Friends that baseball, but apparently the author claims I'd much rather watch baseball because of my genes.
"Cool story bro". Fistbump.
Yeah I don't get that part either. When I was a kid everyone watched Friends. We never realized it was supposed to be "for girls".
Hell, the main cast is 3 men and 3 women. Doesn't get more neutral than that.
Wat.
It gets better: Because program A is baseball, and program B is Friends, and since we all know that baseball is a man's program, and Friends is a woman's program, this is really about gender discrimination and sexism.
> People would question my social skills.
I really do.