An ftp server is clearly more akin to a spooky abandoned building.

A more accurate analogy for an FTP server is a machine that sends you letters on demand.

It's like Shafer wrote a letter to their office asking for their list of patients, and lo and behold, they've sent him back an envelope containing that list.

Or a private lending library that is technically open to the public, but no one ever goes there, because all the books are about dental drills.

I think that's a gopher server

Yea. This would be a felony that a 4 year old child, your tech ignorant grandmother, and any other random Facebook user could commit by clicking on a link.

I'm not justifying the law I consider it ridiculous but I'm pretty sure that is how it is written.