You can never get this information even as an employee. You ask directly, and nothing. They don't want to give it to you.
Your company could be sold for 100's of millions, paying off the investors at 2x investment, and the common stock holders get nothing.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Getting a seed round doesn't magically confer the founders/C*Os with an comprehensive understanding of how company equity works. Or common sense.
I mean, imagine if someone followed the same practice for the salary part of compensation: "We will pay you money!" "Eh... how much?" "Some. The actual number is privileged and confidential."
This can be seen in recruiting stagee as well, it is usually presented as the take home question. Give them a take home interview problem that takes two days to solve. Those that go for it, will be dedicated and desperate enough to be good workers.
I honestly strongly dislike this quote, because at the end of they day just about every malicious activity could be wrongly attributed to stupidity.
So what is the lesson here? I hear this saying over and over, always with the implication of "Give them a pass". Who cares if they are being crooked, or are too dumb to do division. Either way, the employee loses.
Given my experience of advising early stage startup founders on equity investment, dilution, cap tables, etc., I believe that ignorance is at least as likely as malice in situations where they seem unwilling to disclose all the information the potential employee needs to fully evaluate the potential value of any equity options being offered.
I would never join a startup where the founder wasn't razor sharp and forthcoming on all these details.
Also at this point in time there is so much shady stuff going on with options that you should always always value options at zero. Frankly if all you are offering is your labor in return for options you don't have the pull to get a particularly good deal. (Example: Friend worked three years at a startup. Friend is smart. Friend got ~$50,000... whoop dee doo dah day)
Only other advice I have is, if you are considering exercising any stock options you need to talk with a tax accountant before you pull the trigger. No exceptions.