gotadollar

Dealing with Narcissistic Parents

I commenced my policy of non-contact / NC and it's been the most peaceful five years I've ever had. Here is my advice based on my own experience:

1. If you still live with them, move ASAP with the shirt on your back.

2. All communications with them shall be written via email, and don't tell them where you live, where you work, your bank balance, who you're dating, etc. Every piece of information will be used against you.

3. Get some therapy and start your recovery process.

Here's some things I would go back in time and tell my younger self:

    You're never going to change them.

    You are not responsible for their mental health or emotional state.

    Don't bother trying to reason with them, they are irrational.

    Don't try to earn their respect, you never will. 

    Don't agree to their assessment of your capabilities.

    Don't tell them how much money you make.
    Don't tell them how much money you have.
    Don't tell them where you work.

    You will not get them to be accountable for their actions, 
    it's useless to try.

They will act out and seek retribution when you start changing your life without their knowledge/consent/blessing/judgement. They will sabotage your best efforts if you let them into your life. Don't tell them ANYTHING. Keep it light if you must speak with them.

Don't wish them happy birthday, don't have dinner with them, don't show, call or send a card for any holiday, christmas, hanukkah, thanksgiving. Don't do it. It's a trap.

Remove the emotion from it. It's not out of spite, anger or vengeance -- it's for your health. You are not a petty person, this was in the works for a long time. It's like going for a jog in the morning. It's what you need to do to stay mentally, emotionally fit in your life.

Don't blame yourself, this is a logical consequence of your nparents actions. People around you might not understand and that's okay. The time to leave and break contact is right now.

Retake agency in your life.

Good luck everyone!

Stay in and order your food if you can't behave yourself in public: if you're so deathly afraid of catching the virus you become 'accidentally' racist, stay at home.

> And I think it is a coward's pursuit Strong words forgotmypw. Clearly, you don't have any experience with a narcissist because, no amount of hand-wringing and kumbaya is going to fix it. I was the good son. I did that for two decades, it didn't help. My experience is that there is absolutely no hope for narcissistic parents. Get away; Adopt a policy of non-contact; and Don't look back. Just remember that when you pontificate (and name-call) about something like this: not all of us were blessed with rational, stable, straight-edge people for parents.

I stopped using a smart phone a year ago. I don't miss it. That helped. Steps 1. Remember your password. 2. Log in, download, compress and archive your media and posts. 3. Delete your account. Bear in mind, there's no such thing as 'completely delete' there are multiple copies stored by the various walled-gardens, and of course by our government in a gigantic datacenter in Utah. But at least you won't be as much of a commodity.

I have a few predictions: He will twitter-cancel the presidential debate; He will slide the fear fader up on the population in hopes of diminishing the polls; He will be "cured" reinforcing the image that he has strong genes and was a good choice for his base.

Thank you. Trump is a narcissist no doubt, but I thought the most illuminating moment of the debate was when he told a white-supremacist group to "Stand back and stand-by."

Not if you Incentivize The Technology that will slow or stop it.

Time to slide up the old fear fader to scare the public into staying at home on election day, and oh, he doesn't have to fall on his face again during a debate -- text message cancellation.

Well said. Seems to me that he's going to set a precedent that will screw over workers' attempts to even file a claim by muddying the water.

I would include the "Gulag Archipelago" Trilogy by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn in any library.

https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/solzhenitsyns-th...

And I thought systemd was bad news....

Despicable.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_S._Raymond#Political_beli...

The latency is horrendous, I use a real-time kernel to make music @3ms< you're never going to get that with a fully streaming application however, you could possibly send bigger chunks of data which interact on the client-side. It's still problematic, but bravo! Valiant effort.

How much are you willing to pay for electricity? Up to now it's been relatively cheap... Might be time for the hand-crank lantern and battery-operated rasberry pi. Go off-grid and vote. Run for office if you're serious.

A rube-goldberg machine who's only purpose would be to increment time only as I worked on it. The method of incrementation however would become increasingly complex and confusing... Seriously though, I'd try to come up with an app that would put the power of information into the hands of regular non-technical people. The "power of information" could be a very simple concept using public information with a simple web-based interface, for instance: a dynamic map of all board members of all US companies and their memberships on other boards. This could be expanded easily in a second stage to shed light on campaign contributions. Maybe data-retrieval exists for this but perhaps not as compelling as I'm imagining it.

Depression.

Missing-at-sea seven years ago... https://lwn.net/Articles/380038/