I've put up with depression for around 15 years. I wish I'd taken myself more seriously earlier and seen a doctor. It's an illness, there is not always a clear cause.

Atypical depression is characterised by mood reactivity and is the most common form of depression (40%).

See a doctor, get some therapy for the bad thoughts that you've internalised when you were depressed, and get a prescription.

Life can be great.