And it doesn't always come naturally to me, either. I had to learn. I would suggest this book; it's the best communication book I've ever read: http://www.amazon.com/Creating-Harmonious-Relationships-Prac...

This book is also a good read: http://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Transactional-Analys...

The mind knows how, but the soul is unwilling. I know how to tiptoe around people, but I greatly prefer being combative.

Which explains why my adviser is currently holding the contents of my bookshelf locked in her office until I comply with her demands. Score by her, but I tend to win these battles by not giving a shit.

...and now you all know how immature I am :D.

I appreciate the links; I had to learn too, and I largely have done so. Just wanted to say that it is, in fact, difficult.

Good graces will take you far in life. from the utilitarian perspective, the emotional valence of the message ("sugar coating") does not impact the veracity of the semantic content. While this is true, humans are not rational fact-processing machines. We are primarily emotional and irrational creatures with a fleeting capacity for logic and reason. For many technologists, this is something we lament. However, our emotions are not that complicated... they are just governed more by expectations than by facts. If you learn to guide someone gently from one expectation to another, then you will learn to avoid triggering their defense mechanisms and have a much easier time being effective at communication and achieving your goals. Especially if this is difficult for you, I suggest that you take some time to study meat computers.

> Especially if this is difficult for you, I suggest that you take some time to study meat computers.

I do, and I have. I just wanted to say that it's one of the most challenging things I've ever worked on in my life. I still occasionally slip up, but in the main I've killed the impulse to argue combatively.