If my parents ask "How do I get control?" And someone answers "Getting Linux to work takes some time, but..." Their response should be that they won't even try. My parents have a hard time with the concept that there are things called "files". Directories are completely beyond them.

I never intended to convince you or your parents to use Linux. It's just, that you said that they are able to do more, therefore they have more control. If you understand that the opposite might be the case then my job is done. In some scenarios it's okay to have less control in exchange to do more. I do such exchanges on a regular basis myself. But one must be aware that one gives away control, not gains control.

Directories and files have a real world analog that your parents are likely to understand, but I think the doofy interface obscures this to the point of confusion.

Why not simply set up and maintain Linux for them? Especially because if the only thing amateurs need is a browser, then Ubuntu is exactly the same as everything else.

They still won't have ultimate control, but you will. This is certainly a tradeoff (a personal relationship has more motives for violating trust), but depending on your relationship it can be a great way to distribute control away from ApplNSAoogle.

Really? You could not use actual paper file and filing cabinet as physical world analogues of computer files and directories? Pretty much everyone understands those metaphors, so why don't your parents?