I assumed 'jaccuzzi' was some sort of new programming language or framework that I missed out on, and that "suspended" was referring to a specific implementation clearly superior to non-suspended jaccuzzi ;)

Well to be honest, even though it is not a programming language, I would argue that this jacuzzi implementation is clearly superior to a non-suspended jacuzzi.

Conventional Jacuzzi is much more amenable to static analysis. And just look at the startup time!

But I'll admit: these folks know how to scale.

I thought 'suspended jacuzzi' would have been the name of a IDM musical duo.

Me too, I thought it was a startup called Jacuzzi that had just been kicked out of China.

China is .cn, .ch is Switzerland,

Indeed. It's .ch because that's the initialism of the Latin name for Switzerland: Confoederatio Helvetica.

The Latin name is used to avoid favouring any one of the four official languages (German, French, Italian, Romansch).