I have done a translation for the non hackers:

    I wake up to my smurf alarm clock, quickly smurf myself 
    up and go to shower, I smurf through it quickly and smurf
    myself dry with a towel. Then I proceed to smurf my 
    socks, pants and other smurf essentials before smurfing
    my commute to work.

    I'm already late, so I need to smurf myself and sprint
    to the trainstation.

    Smurfing away at some wordpress themes and finally a
    master smurf to change the colorscheme of my xterm.