This tears at me. I lost my little brother to suicide just over nine years ago. We grew up in the late 80s/early 90s playing NES/SNES and Genesis games together. He was always the more competitive one, kicking my ass at fighting games like Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter, and beating me to the ending of Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior titles by several weeks. He was always the jokester, the "Loki" of our gang of friends, and he would make up silly or perverted names for RPG characters whenever possible.

Later, after he got home from serving six years in the Air Force, he would still come by my place and want to play Final Fantasy VII and Soul Calibur together. Those were some of our strongest bonding periods in all those years of dealing with opposite personalities. We never got along one hundred percent of the time, but we loved each other the way all brothers should just the same, and enjoyed that time spent on our favorite pastime.

We still don't know why he took is life; he never left a note or any clues that anything was wrong. But he left a hole in our hearts that will never be filled.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. My relationship with my brother should be better - I should work on it.

As for Nick - In the summer before starting high school we were playing with some other friends and he found his dad's handgun. He thought it wasn't loaded.

I think if it hadn't happened I'd be working in the oil field like the rest of my classmates. When that happened I was very reclusive in high school. Never went to prom, dropped out of band. After writing all this though it made me realize I should appreciate the now moreso than live in my mind's past.

You always think you have enough time. "I'll call him next week." "I'll drop in and see them next month." After he died, my sister and I drew closer for a while, then spent a few years barely talking. Today we work for the same small business and I get to see her every day, and for that I'm thankful. We've grown a lot closer as a result, and that is a precious thing that can't be measured or quantified.

Seriously, call your brother. Today. Right now. I don't know the nature of your relationship with him, but I have a feeling that even if he acts awkward or annoyed by it, deep down he'll realize that you took a moment out of your day just to think about him.

You evoked a lot of feeling in four sentences. Thanks for sharing.

this made me cry.

FF3, my favorite game. And HIMEM.SYS heh, we'd get along.