30. Advertise a position as advanced and interesting -- quant work, machine learning, GPGPU, distributed systems, etc. -- then hand your new hire a 15 year old heap of stinking web CRUD written in Perl and 1990s-style JavaScript to maintain.
(Both from my own personal experience.)
Niccolo Machiavelli "The Prince"
Also, as an software contractor, his thesis on private forces/ paid forces is quite enlightening.
I've had nothing but positive experiences from years and years of peer reviews. It's not even that I've had "nice" / overly-charitable peers who don't call me out on things: I've gotten good, actionable feedback that improved my career.
It's a pain in the ass to write them but I always put in a good effort because of the benefits I've received from them.
Oh boy. I worked one place where they handed out copies. It did not occur to me that this was a warning sign at the time, but... yeah.
23. Encourage sociable, pleasant employees to read Machiavelli and Sun Tzu.
24. Peer reviews and stack ranking!
25. Stress that everything must be done in-house. If your employees want a wheel, they must reinvent it themselves.
26. Play video games in your office during crunch-time or, heck, just take the day off. You deserve it!
27. Survey your employees to find out what extracurricular activities everyone enjoys. Then, ignore that data and hold a mandatory weekend game of your own favorite sport pitting your employees against those of a personal rival. If your team loses, throw your hat on the ground, jump up and down on it, and swear never to do this again. Repeat once or more annually.
28. If, after doing all this, you still have payroll to burn, hire somebody at twice the salary of anyone else, anonymously leak salary information for your department, and be sure to give this new employee absolutely nothing to do except twiddle their thumbs.