http://www.kalzumeus.com/2012/01/23/salary-negotiation/
It really helps put things into perspective.
This part of Patrick's article is still great advice in that regard:
"This means you need what political scientists call a commitment strategy: you always, as a matter of policy, negotiate all offers. (In this wide world I’m sure you can find a company who still makes exploding offers, where you get one yay-or-nay and then the offer is gone. You have a simple recourse to them: refuse them and deal with people who are willing to be professionals. You’re not a peasant. Don’t act like one.)"
This I find to be a sticking point, and never forget: "You’re not a peasant. Don’t act like one."
Which is great for an employer who doesn't care about his/her workers/
You hear about things like "negotiation tactics" but I've never experienced this, so it's hard to recognize.
Thanks for the advice.
I'd start looking for other jobs and, in parallel, tell the boss that you value the lack of the commute quite highly and that if they want you to commute you'll be happy to consider their offer for what is essentially a new job. If they suggest "Your current salary" you say "Hah, good one. No seriously, what is your offer, knowing how valuable of an employee I am and how difficult I would be to replace?"
More generally: most engineers who feel they are getting screwed are indeed getting screwed. (And many engineers who feel adequately compensated are in fact getting screwed but have psychological issues and asymmetric information which makes this less than obvious.) People will NOT fix this for you. You have to take responsibility for your own career.
P.S. Ducking meetings with you is a negotiating tactic! And it is working! You have to summon a modicum of intestinal fortitude and say "Boss, the fact of the upcoming move means my salary is going to get renegotiated. You get to pick whether that renegotiation happens in your office or not."