This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup

Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by sliverstorm on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:28PM (#7118612)

I don't need to be nice about someone invading my personal space

Yes, I agree. But of course not every woman is willing to be outright confrontational and thus resort to "grin-and-bear-it", which is why I was thinking about other possible avenues based on my experiences receiving blowback.

I realize it's a different story actually there in the moment than it is for me, an armchair warrior, but the only ways I know of to get around that are 1) making choices to avoid the situation (which never go over well in discussion) and 2) behavioral changes. I avoid #1, and #2 is not an issue with anyone I have any influence over; everyone I know would immediately ostracize that person if word ever got out. So all I've got left to discuss is possible reactions. :/

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by silencio on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:46PM (#7118711)

I think the best way to do it is to ask organizers to set up codes of conduct for larger or regular events, and for smaller events to just outright be like "what do you think you're doing? that's not appropriate" if "fuck off" is too harsh. If a person is worried about how to confront someone at all, s/he could ask for help from others at any point (even the much-maligned Ada Initiative) and confront the person on terms s/he is comfortable with (like later in an email). I mean, even a little "excuse me" and taking their hands off you is something and hopefully everyone else understands what's going on and discourages any negative reactions to that. I'm just going all out because I used to grin and bear it when I was younger and now I know better, I'm tired of this bullshit, and I don't care about making someone a public example. And I speak as an introverted little aspie geek just like the stereotype. Fuck everyone that thinks that's a good excuse.

On a sidenote, I was much younger. I went to college and started to go to tech conferences and events at 15. You will not believe how many men, including married men and men old enough to be my father, would hit on me and worse. One of my pipe dreams is wishing I could tell them that they tried to grope a 15 year old. Alas it was almost a decade ago and I can't do anything about it now (except making sure that everyone has resources to discourage that behavior).

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by gnaritas on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:33PM (#7118631)

> But of course not every woman is willing to be outright confrontational

True, but men are generally outright confrontational and when dealing with men, speaking their language is likely to lead to them understanding in the moment what just happened.

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by sliverstorm on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:36PM (#7118655)

You are not wrong, but that is not a practical solution if a given women cannot bring herself to implement it.

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by gnaritas on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:40PM (#7118677)

Understandable, but meek people get walked on; that's simply how the world works. How it out to work really doesn't matter, practically speaking you must play the cards you're dealt. If a guy hits on a women and she doesn’t like it, she needs to end it somehow, either by leaving, or by confronting.

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by sliverstorm on Friday January 24, 2014 @05:46PM (#7118721)

meek people get walked on; that's simply how the world works

I agree, and so my personal advice to individuals is to not be meek.

But one of the points of civilized society is to defend the meek.

So, the two messages (stop being meek for your own sake; we need to defend the meek) are not incompatible.

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Re:This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup by gnaritas on Friday January 24, 2014 @06:01PM (#7118802)

I don't think they're incompatible at all. Had I been there an seen it, I'd have defender her, but when there's no one there to do so, the meek must step up or get walked on. The world isn't as it out to be. There's always the leave option, or simply move away from that person.

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