With a shortage of women, shouldn't the groom's parents be paying instead?
Dowry system has been going on India since ancient times. The system works like this. By and large Indian society still works in a system where your parents choose your spouse. So when a boy is of marriageable age, their parents go a matchmaker- and put forward their clauses. There are some typical things they look in a girl, The girl must be fair, beautiful, not taller than the boy, shy, and obedient. She must not be too intelligent, or bold or sometimes not working or well educated.
Apart from these behavior and cosmetic demands. They also put down financial clauses- Generally the demand is in gold, or real estate. Or a car, Or just hard cash. The demands for gifts never really ceases. Women are harassed, many women set themselves on fire unable to bear the torture and harassment. Dowry deaths are common and you will often hear of them in the news papers. In many cases women commit suicide, or worse there are cases where the mother in law burns the girl alive. As much as shocking to you all this may seem, it happens all the time here.
This has been happening since a long time. There are trends of these demands. If the boy is a doctor/Civil Servant the money demanded is highest, engineers/rich business men come next and so on... And this is so common, if you have to marry off your daughter you have to often pay up!
So you need to undo that much of cultural thing. I don't think it will go away anytime soon.
In traditional Indian culture daughters are seen as a deprecating asset that their parents want to get rid of.
Presumably the bribes dished out to get rid of them are less than their upkeep would cost if they weren't married off, with some added cost to account for the social stigma of having an unmarried single daughter.
Why? Why would the bride's family give these gifts? What basis is there for these demands?
Tradition and culture perhaps, but if the situation is so screwed up, then maybe it's time to abandon or fix those traditions. Spend money on education and teach her independence, and if she wants to marry out of love, she can do so without any dowry.
These days its still a lot better. A few decades back, the society would have big problems with as simple a thing like teaching a girl how to read/write. Then came the society's opposition towards women working. That's how backward these people are.
The main reason for that is dowry and extremely bad treatment meted to women in India. Most people prefer to not have girls at all given these scenarios. Imagine having to spend money on your daughters education, tending to physical safety and then only to find the boy's family asking for big money gifts during marriage. And not just that, in most common cases the demand for gifts just keep coming infinitely even after marriage. The demands are insane of course- Asking for large quantities of gold, real estate, or just plain hard cash, cars combined with a demand for lavishly marriage party are a common place here in India.
Some people have absolutely no shame and sense of self esteem and resolve themselves to this kind of begging to get money. This includes people from all over India, regardless of caste, religion, color, regional, linguistic belongings.
This whole thing promotes a culture for a madness to have male children.
I am assuming marriage among people of same gender especially men is going to be a common place in India only a couple of decades from now.
>> Should men who don't have or can't find a normal relationship
Such men should actively work towards a society that doesn't kill girls before birth and after wards. If they can't may be they should suffer and live in the society they built.