That's the thing, is this stupid college mistake on my record undermines my integrity. Never mind that I've been employed at multiple companies and been trusted with user data far and beyond what Google would ever trust me with.
I would have hoped that after a five year history in this industry, I would have demonstrated some integrity. Not even my character references, who will happily vouch for my integrity, can sway these people.
Remember folks, HR is not your advocate. They are risk mitigation.
Thank you for the support, I really appreciate it.
One strategy is to try to hide your past, figuring it won't hurt you with the latter two and might incrementally help you with the former. I wouldn't adopt this strategy.
Instead, assuming it truly is "minor," I'd own it. Write a blog post about how your past has made it harder for you to find work. Talk about what you did, specifically, and all your feelings about it then and now.
Don't name names of companies, but perhaps share some (anonymized) stories. Whatever you do, it can't sound like sour grapes. You have to be magnanimous to the last drop. You have to swallow every last bite of indignation you have. You need to say and believe things like, "If I'm honest with myself, I can understand why Company X made the decision they did even if I felt they handled it inappropriately and ultimately made the wrong decision for the wrong reason."
Try to tie it into a larger story, perhaps raising questions about whether the tech world is really a meritocracy, e.g., "Silicon Valley is a Meritocracy, Unless You Broke the Law as a Kid." Maybe try to reach out to other folks who have had similar experiences, e.g., "Are you an engineer whose past makes it hard for you to find work? You're not alone."
The response on this thread alone should be good enough evidence that folks would be interested in the story.
This will do a few things. First, it gets you exposure. Second, it immediately gets the attention of folks in the neutral and positive camps. The former will go, "WTF? We don't care about this. How stupid of people to reject a candidate for those reasons; let's interview him." The latter will go, "Holy shit! This is our kind of guy; let's interview him!"
You have nothing to lose, really, because this information is going to come out over the course of any interview no matter what. Turn it into your armor rather than resign yourself to having a sword in your belly.
This is a community of hackers in both senses of the word. Computer Tampering is a felony on the same level as manslaughter in one place I've lived. I like your thinking.
I've also e-mailed you, and appreciate your advice, yet again.
Moreover, that's not how it works in SV. Assuming you do good work, nobody will care if you sued Google and settled except perhaps Google. I know plenty of engineers who were fired from companies like Facebook and Twitter for perfectly legitimate reasons and are now working at similarly-awesome companies as engineers. And this is a situation where the termination was 100% warranted and broadly known in "the incestuous Valley."
I would have fired them had they done the same and I would have also hired them at another company, assuming they learned their lesson and otherwise seemed like people with integrity.