the engineering dance is hugely annoying. my preferred mode is socratic--ask a lot of questions, stake out a minimal position--but with engineer types this is usually misinterpreted as accepting the other person's superior expertise. whereupon said expert proceeds to shut his ears down and hold court.

over a period of several weeks i can steer the mode of conversation around, but for casual encounters i have more or less accepted the subordinate position.

Maybe we all need captions?

[Closed Captioned for the Socially Impaired.]

[Engineering Dance in Progress]

[Esoteric Knowledge Shown]

[Minimal Position Staked Out]

[Monologing]

I definitely agree on the girlfriend, but from my experience that's even more difficult than learning social graces. It takes a perceptive woman to realize that underneath is a really good guy that just needs some help. Young women are often as dense in their own way as hackers. It took me years and the experience of a bad marriage to become acceptable to a good woman.

Agreed, it took me years of being a jerk to women plus the good fortune of an ex turning into a friend and smacking me with the truth.

My solution also involved perception, but on my part. I was able to spot the potential in a quiet, wallflowery girl at a party. Now I am blessed with a a very sweet, patient, intelligent, perceptive, and demurely sexy girlfriend.

Another piece of advice -- all you nerdy guys out there who check off all the races except "African American" on dating site preferences -- do yourself a favor and stop it. There's lots of really cute nerdy gals out there who just happen to have a bit more melanin.

Let's just keep in mind that young women and hackers are not mutually exclusive.

I laugh at the engineering dance anymore and mock those who try to engage me in it. Most of them are so intensely into it they don't even recognize the 'meta' joke I'm making at their expense.

Its lots of fun in interviews. Some wannabe alpha dork trying to catch me in programming language/electronics trivia is the best. In a group interview with their peers watching them, some of them getting what game I'm playing, is incredibly entertaining. Try it if you get a chance.

Please share some anecdotes, should be good for lulz.