That said, I think this is an unfortunate frame of reference both for programmers and for the world at large to understand the sorts of creative works with which we wrestle.
By and large, software is utilitarian and designed to help someone, somewhere, do something. Consequently all of the things we do as programmers are at their core, social (even if the act of programming may not always be).
And there are sciences and arts related to how we as humans relate to each other, communicate, and negotiate our varying wants and needs.
So, yes, you're right that we need to be more humane to each other, but i wish that there were a better awareness of what that actually entails, and how we can do a better job.
I'm amazed at how sadly inconclusive the "You are not your code" discussion has gone, as an example. Likewise, I appreciate the sentiment you are expressing, although i agree with others that you are generalizing unfairly (i certainly don't fit into the characterization you describe)
Programmers need to disconnect and not let the external environment become part of us. Sometimes I let other people's minds become part of my mind. I think it's a profound glimpse into how programmers can use our motor neurons to actually "be" a compiler in software, and to anticipate how it works.
Unconsciously we do the same things with other humans, and there are ways that humans can take over that process and their disapproval of us is like our own mind finding disapproval for a system inside it that must be destroyed. With the proper scenarios, make programmers suicidal, when they can utter the proper dark magic incantation, we do a cost benefit analysis and decide that suicide does remove the defective systems. rm -rf /
I think the takeaway here is that some of the best programmers tend to have serious problems separating the directives of self from the directives of others. You have to learn that we are not computers, and the good of the many is not always preferable to the good of the few.