Yep, this is the insight that so many ideological purists are missing, in the privacy space and in free software more broadly. A 90% solution that "just works" is infinitely better than a 100% solution that nobody is going to use.

I have gotten all my family and even inlaws onto Signal. (It helps that it lets Android users send higher quality pictures than SMS to iOS users, while not being social media like Whatsapp, ie. great for groups that include kids.)

But I can't even decide on a matrix/xmpp client for myself, much less for family or friends.

In my mental model, Matrix (specifically Element) is decentralized Signal. In other words: a modern encrypted messenger that is protocol-based and so allows users to control their data if they so wish.

If this picture is accurate, then the promised land is only two steps away: (1) make available a reliable default Matrix server for normies who don't care about privacy; (2) polish up the UX of Element.

What am I getting wrong?

#1 and #2 are easy to conceptualize but very difficult to build and maintain. Basically, the problem is that people don't fund open source unless they can monetize it.

Simplex.chat is decentralized signal

I’m afraid this approach to UI as an after thought is what leads to them being so shit in the first place.

Signal is a non starter for me. Centralized, requires everyone that uses it identify themselves, and they can and will use it to shill their crypto tokens or any features they want and you have no say. Its no different than Whatsapp to me.

If I cannot host it myself if I want to, or use it anonymously if I want to, then its not sovereign tech and not worth a second of my energy convincing anyone to use, especially when sovereign alternatives exist.

Matrix is by far the most usable sovereign option so it is what I switched my personal network to.

> Its no different than Whatsapp to me.

Seriously?

>requires everyone that uses it identify themselves

they have username based accounts now, you don't need a phone number anymore.

I've likewise had success getting people onto Signal. One easy selling point over SMS/MMS: pictures and video have much higher quality.

I also pretty much gave up, and now I recommend Signal.

But XMPP doesn't have to be complicated. It just needs a popular server with a good client. Yes, there are good servers and there are good clients, but none of them provide a streamlined experience. It should be like Google Talk used to be: most people knew nothing about XMPP. But as a bonus, you get access to federated service.