So you can't even define what it is people are "implicitly" asking of you, and yet you're convinced it's "inherently accusatory", would "violate your own sense of fairness and morality", would "violate your boundaries", and the asker is being sanctimonious.
Pardon me if I do not take your Real Important Concerns seriously.
Well, that's the real trick, since it's been hard to pin down to any level of precision.
But then, I'm not one of the people going around, sanctimoniously passing judgement on those who don't conform to my personal moral code.
But if you can find one of them, and get them to give you an unambiguous, noncontradictory explanation for exactly what they expect of everyone, I'd consider it a favor if you passed it along. :-)