This was genuinely funny, gotta hand it to you.

I wish I were this insufferable, alas.

Truthfully, I don't mind pairing on something if someone needs help and doesn't mind doing it asynchronously instead of sitting on a video call all day pointlessly when Slack will work just fine. :)

The reason I went to hyperbole with this one was because a prior startup I worked for required everyone to pair on every ticket, whether they liked it or not. I simply refused, and they were fine with it, because they liked the work I did. If I needed to collab on anything, I'd just talk to the other engineers. And guess what? We survived and did amazing work together as a team!

This was modeled after my former coworker Tom who had to be told not to clip his toenails in the open office, and then told not to do it in the lounge room even if he was alone