tl;dw celebrate don't manipulate.

I have noticed that my daughter responds so much better to compliments like, "I am really impressed how you handled situation X, you stuck up for yourself in a way that doesn't alienate yourself with your friends. I know how hard that is to do well ..." When I give the reason for the praise it doesn't come off, intended or not as "you did good for a kid." I don't do it everytime, but sometimes the praise works to give another reflective or metacognitive pass over the event.

Children the Challenge chapter 3 discusses encouragement.

All this stuff should be done tastefully and without being overbearing. Like the previous poster said, it's a balance.