News for hackers. Stuff that matters.

A comment on How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences. Parent comment

Re:How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolati... by danparsonson on Friday April 24, 2026 @09:17AM (#47889798)
The kind of reaction described by the GP is probably trained by a lifetime of bad experiences. One can end up going into every interaction thinking about which parts of oneself to dial down in order to have some semblance of a normal conversation, and inevitably that over-thinking just makes it worse. Ask leading questions, smile, listen careful, don't interrupt - you know, all that sort of thing that comes more naturally to some than to others.
[ Parent | on HN ]
Re:How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolati... by dragochat on Friday April 24, 2026 @10:00AM (#47890448)
> going into every interaction thinking about which parts of oneself to dial down

what if (a) I hate leading questions, (b) by default only smile when bad/tragic things happen (eg "train crash leaves 100 dead and maimed"), (c) I'm quite bad at listening bc if you don't say interesting things often/densely enough my mind adhd-s away, and (d) interrupting is second-nature to me?

...advice may be good, but for some of us it's like 99% of ourselves that we need to dial down in order to carry on a successful interaction - it works, but takes a hell lot of energy

[ Parent | on HN ]
Re:How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolati... by justonceokay on Friday April 24, 2026 @10:48AM (#47891061)
You seem to have a lot of limiting thoughts about yourself. Other people do those kinds of things but just don’t mind and don’t think that they are a bother to others.

You’re allowed to be weird. Weird people make the best conversation because you don’t know where they’re gonna go

[ Parent | on HN ]
Re:How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolati... by danparsonson on Friday April 24, 2026 @10:35AM (#47890890)
Yes, you and I are making the same point :-) There's lots of useful advice out there about how to be a better conversationalist but it's exhausting for those of us who have to constantly think about it, and disheartening when we get it wrong despite all the effort.
[ Parent | on HN ]