You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving

Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by Aurornis on Sunday December 21, 2025 @02:46PM (#46347703)

> Maybe other people relate more to this post because they more money and no kids.

I have kids, but I don’t think having kids or even a lack of money is necessary to experience the type of burnout you’re describing.

While everyone and every situation is different, my personal experience is that having kids led to less burnout for me over time. I expected the opposite after reading comments online, but it turns out that for me the time spent caring for the kids was energizing and purpose-providing. The job no longer felt like some isolated drudgery without purpose because it played a clear role in my family’s well being. I also learned how to manage time and prioritize better after having kids.

But I will never gatekeep burnout or try to differentiate burnout based on having kids or money. I can even think of someone who was clearly experiencing burnout despite having neither kids nor a job and while not having to worry about money. Burnout isn’t a simple function of life circumstances, personal circumstances and mental well being play a large role. In some cases, certain personality types can seemingly become burned out under any circumstances. It’s a heavily personal reaction.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by GMoromisato on Sunday December 21, 2025 @03:32PM (#46348125)

I feel the same way about kids. For me, I think, it changed my perspective. Lots of things at work that would have bothered or frustrated me no longer do so. Having kids is a great way to develop a Zen attitude about some things.

Though, to be fair, you gain a whole new set of much scarier things to worry about.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by mkoubaa on Sunday December 21, 2025 @04:15PM (#46348543)

If you don't have a zen attitude around a three year old you're going to have a bad time

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by GMoromisato on Sunday December 21, 2025 @04:18PM (#46348585)

LOL! Totally!

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by thanedar on Sunday December 21, 2025 @05:55PM (#46349474)

Zen about kids and warrior about work!

And work = highest purpose!

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by tmp2375 on Sunday December 21, 2025 @06:04PM (#46349542)

It could be just getting older. I don't have any kids, but I care less about work now. It's just a job. Life is out there.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by GMoromisato on Sunday December 21, 2025 @06:46PM (#46349833)

This! It's much healthier this way.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by 8n4vidtmkvmk on Sunday December 21, 2025 @06:10PM (#46349592)

I don't have kids but I'm learning to be more zen at work. I think its a learnable thing. I can see how kids would accelerate that though

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by GMoromisato on Sunday December 21, 2025 @06:45PM (#46349829)

Agreed! Being more Zen is awesome and you don't need kids for that.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by zerofor_conduct on Sunday December 21, 2025 @11:14PM (#46351255)

Anyone can develop a Zen attitude by committing to Zen meditation, or other forms of meditation. It may sound trite, but depression can come from managing the past, anxiety from managing the future. But the past is gone, the future is just a fantasy, what is real is what is happening now. The more time spent in the present, the less anxiety and depression. This is one of the benefits of meditation.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by sdeframond on Sunday December 21, 2025 @04:54PM (#46348923)

> the time spent caring for the kids was energizing and purpose-providing.

Depends. At 3am it's not.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by nnutter on Sunday December 21, 2025 @05:55PM (#46349470)

That's a pretty short period in the grand scheme of things. Before you know it they'll be driving and just a year or two from leaving the nest and you'll wish you could have had more time with them.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by thatfrenchguy on Sunday December 21, 2025 @10:42PM (#46351074)

Yup, but when you’re sleep deprived the months feel like years, and if unlucky and you got a bad sleeper the years can feel like decades

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by sdeframond on Tuesday December 23, 2025 @03:02PM (#46368870)

Sometimes the years feel like ... decades. Some bad sleepers are bad sleepers for a longer time than others.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by Aurornis on Monday December 22, 2025 @12:17AM (#46351567)

There’s a lot more to having kids than the relatively short window when they’re very young and waking up a lot in the middle of the night.

Before having kids I read so much about this difficult period and thought it was going to be the defining feature of having kids.

Then you go through it and one month you realize they’re sleeping through the night. Then you have an entire lifetime.

So yeah, it’s not fun. But it’s also such a tiny segment of parenthood that the emphasis on it feels pretty excessive.

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Re:You’re not burnt out, you’re existentially starving by thanedar on Sunday December 21, 2025 @06:29PM (#46349727)

This. Focusing on your highest potential is energizing and the rest is what we call burnout. Having kids is what caused me to think so hard about these questions, both for myself and them. I have to justify every minute I'm not with them, and now my life fully represents my values.

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