Regarding the use of field_get_items, check the documentation on the return value: "An array of field items keyed by delta if available, FALSE otherwise." Per my requirement of getting a single, OPTIONAL field value, field_get_items might return false, which means we are still looking at something like this overly verbose code:
($first_name = field_get_items('node', $person, 'first_name')) ? array_shift($first_name) : '';
Lastly, "you want a formatter, a whole display mode, etc. You very rarely need that level of plumbing". One of the requirements for this project was that each page represented by a person node would have a very specific layout. This meant that I couldn't rely on Drupal's default layout (even with formatters there was too much baked-in HTML that was unacceptable), and had to create a node--person.tpl.php file, i.e. a custom template.
Another aspect of the project that was difficult was that the client had very specific needs. In almost every piece of functionality they requested, there was some wrinkle that made using an off-the-shelf module impossible. This meant having to code against the behemoth Drupal API. After about 3 months of work, I created an OO-wrapper module around Nodes called Doodal (https://github.com/rybosome/doodal) that makes it possible to code in an MVC-like way. This made the rest of the project somewhat easier, minus the parts that involved interfacing with native Drupal. Drupal was created at a time when PHP didn't have object oriented features. Their solution to the problem of needing OO-like behavior but not having it was to emulate it, which is an abstraction that quickly falls apart. For instance, the shortest line of PHP you could possibly write to simply print out an optional "first name" value from a node representing a person is...
array_key_exists('und', $person->first_name) ? $person->first_name['und'][0]['safe_value'] : '';
While I was wrapping up this project, a friend of mine pointed me to an opening his company had for a Drupal dev, paying about 1.8x what I was making at the time. I declined without even thinking about it, and have not regretted it for a second.