so by this rational a person can be abused without even being aware of it and seeing no comparable ill effect?

Where is the line drawn? Am I abusing my spouse when I decide that we're a bit too over-stretched financially and that we're going to need to skip the surprise Disney World trip that I had planned but hadn't yet told them about?

What about if I think they just didn't try their hardest during the family softball competition? Are they abusing me?

His wife repeatedly requested a divorce and he basically forced her to remain in the loveless marriage. Your strawmen really aren't relevant.

Being miserable and emotionally distant is something the other people in the family are aware of...