I made similar comments on this site alluding to how when I went into this field, I thought I was going to be working with passionate people that truly cared about the craft. I was met with the rude reality that none of my coworkers care about this craft in the slightest, and it is all merely just an ends to a means for them. Now, I do not necessarily blame my coworkers. Passion is not really within one's control.

For the sake of analogy, I feel like I wanted to be a photographer and take beautiful and artistic pictures, but in reality, I just take school pictures for a living.

Now, I do believe there are passionate jobs with passionate programmers out there, but:

1. I do not know where nor with whom one would even find such roles.

2. My lack of skill would be more burdensome than helpful for such teams. I'm not new either. I've been at this game for over a decade now.

So, I am stuck in this procrastination loop -- I lack the skills to better my situation, but I also feel so far behind that I, at some level, believe I am incapable of ever being able to find/retain such a job.

Long story short, I am not sure what your particular reasons are for procrastinating, but brother/sister, I don't blame you one bit for it.