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Re:Your Manager Is Not Your Best Friend by tombert on Tuesday June 03, 2025 @11:17PM (#44176904)
I remember I really upset some coworkers a few years ago when I said coworkers can't be my friends. I made it clear that I like a lot of my coworkers, I think most of them are decent people and are OK to talk to, but that's a bit different than being a "friend".

A "friend", to me, is someone I can completely be myself around without having to worry too much about it [1]. With a coworker, in the back of my mind I am always remembering "I have to work with this person tomorrow, best not talk about that subject..." and have to bite my tongue a bit. I don't just go around spouting racial slurs or anything too crazy, but my coworkers are exposed to a "tombert-lite" all the same.

Also, if you work for startups and if you become best friends with all your coworkers, when the startup fails [2] then you can find yourself not only out of the job, but also hating a large percentage of your friends in the process.

Now, I've quit/been-fired-from jobs and kept in touch with former coworkers, and then I consider them friends, but I do try and draw boundaries for the people I'm actually working with.

[1] Within some degree of reason, obviously.

[2] Not all startups fail, but an awful lot of them do.

Re:Your Manager Is Not Your Best Friend by GuardianCaveman on Tuesday June 03, 2025 @11:24PM (#44176943)
So if you have a best friend you get hired on with you at the same level do you cease to be friends?
Re:Your Manager Is Not Your Best Friend by tombert on Tuesday June 03, 2025 @11:51PM (#44177062)
That's a tough question, and it's happened before to me. It definitely makes things a bit weird for me.

If I have a prior relationship with that person, then to some extent they've already seen "full tombert" so I don't have to worry as much, but I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a part of me that worries a little even still.

Re:Your Manager Is Not Your Best Friend by askonomm on Wednesday June 04, 2025 @05:12AM (#44178688)
Quite often it turns out that the connecting glue that held the friendship together was the shared experience of the same job. Remove that and the friendship fades away.