Holy shit, this is the best way to describe it. I mean, just that we have Scrum “ceremonies” should be an indication that it’s the opposite of what it says it is.

And it makes waterfall look nice. Evidently manifesto writing is harder than the author(s) thought it would be.

"Waterfall" is pretty well conceived, to be fair. It only gets a bad rap because people stop reading after the first paragraph.

The following paragraphs, what everyone misses, essentially say "but that is not enough, you also need..."