Wait, you would seriously hold that against a potential mate if they were open about it and honest about their motivations?

I wouldn't and I haven't, and I have dated a sex industry worker.

BUT

When I dated someone in the industry I quickly realized why many people avoid such workers. It's highly correlated with HEAVY drug use, severe mental illness, and sad family stories. Not challenges lot of people looking for in a relationship, especially if they want children.

Oh wow, god forbid you date someone who wasn't as privileged in their past.

I get what you are saying, but nearly everyone who has ever lived is full of baggage. After a certain age, any relationship you start will involve talking about all the bad shit you both experienced, how it affected you, how you've grown and dealt with it, etc. Just be an adult about it.

What matters is whether a person who had a bad past is willing to put in the effort to deal with it. A former heavy drug abuser who sought out some form of treatment or has largely healed is a fine partner. A partner who is still sneaking out and stealing to get their fix is much less so.

It's really really easy to just not hold someone's past against them too hard if they are demonstrably a better person currently.

Elephant in the room is STIs

> demonstrably a better person currently

Yeah, but thats the point. How should I know. Its a matter of trust. If you have made decisions like that in the past, why should I trust you to have changed? People are deceptive. Better avoid the drama altogether.

Er, yes. Without a question. Would you date an ex-prostitue?

As long as she matched with me on a personal, intellectual, and moral level, and is a good match in general, sure. I would like to understand her motivations for doing so of course, but that's what dating is all about.

Besides, if some other hypothetical perfect match told me she still went to church until her 25th and actually believed all that stuff I wouldn't dismiss her outright either for doing something so silly, but similarly seek to understand her first.

How would you even know if somebody you like had engaged in transactional sex before?

He admitted it in an attempt to get me back.

If we connected, why not? I guess I'd make sure we both had clean sti panels before engaging in sex, but I'd do that with any partner.

"They used their dick or vagina to make money" is not any different to me than "they used their brain or hands to make money".

Thats a fine opinion, and I fully agree with you.

However its slightly different to the discussed point here, which is that people who use their dick or vagina to make money publicly can later have that used against them.

Theres nothing wrong with dating a sex worker, but when you want to make them a wife and have children, there becomes a risk that some crazy drug addict is going to spot them in the future and do something. Mabye they are going to call out to your wife while she is dropping the kids off at school. Maybe they will be a bit more sinister and threaten to send old OF videos to your kids ands kids teachers email address unless you give them some money, or do it again etc.

These are of course hypotheticals, but they have happened in the past and it is a risk, however small, of having an ex sex worker as a life partner.

It can only be used against you if people think it can be used against you.

Like, imagine a world where we said, " you flipped burgers in college? Eww gross, you've robbed your life!"

It sounds absurd because we've collectively decided one of those jobs is good and one is bad. We can collectively decide they are both fine, actually.

Also, if you're that model includes "random drug addict who is aware of my wife's porn career notices my wife, then chooses to act on it" I think your threat model may need revising. Yes, I'm sure that happens hundreds of times a year in the US. Driving a car to school seems statistically MUCH more dangerous.

The fact that you think her giving her intimate self away to thousands of thirsty simps isn't going to have an impact on your future together is charming.

Have some pride and self respect.

I would. I have a different relation to sexuality and intimacy. Never say never to love, but it certainly wouldn't help.

I would be in a relationship even with a current OF-girl. Not because "feminism told me so", but because I don't see anything wrong with it.

Would you not have a relationship with someone you like and likes you back? Because patriarchy told you so?

Patriarchy explicitly tells us so.

> Would you not have a relationship with someone you like and likes you back?

For a lot of men the knowledge of the OF carrier kills the attraction that they had. Just like some women lose attraction when they learn that you subscribe to OF content.

> Just like some women lose attraction when they learn that you subscribe to OF content.

Well said.

Are you the kind of creeps that ask their partners how many relation they had before you?

What's wrong with asking that? I thought it's all about people being open.

being open about your own past != having to know/ask everything about your partner's past

I guess I fail to see why one should be open in the first place if this isn't going to be reciprocated by your partner.

There is a difference between solicited and unsolicited information. In my experience people who can't live with someone without asking them the number of past partners are the toxic ones.

If you regard it as unsolicited information, you seem to put a judgement on it yourself. Perhaps more than the people who would just like to know. Not a requirement but it would also no be unusual in a relationship.

By unsolicited information, I mean it is normal to be open and comfortable speaking about your past sex life regardless if you partner asked to know about it. But specifically be curious and intrusive about your partner's past is different.

Bottom line: this kind of information might come naturally without someone having to ask for it and in that context it is totally fine.

Sorry english is not my native language so maybe I am not making it clear enough.

Maybe - or maybe they just have different viewpoints on sex than you.

Do you think it would be okay to ask someone how many kittens they have stomped to death in the past? And, if the answer is greater than zero, to break off the relationship?

Indeed, I would like to know if you have no problem killing kitten. That attitude is likely going to be an issue further down the road. Better get it settled now then later.

Hahaha. For me, its the people that want to hold that information back which are toxic and manipulative like hell. Its simple. If you want to hide it, it was likely very bad and your partner should know. If you manage to hide it, you are the toxic person.

Eww, asking your prospective partners about their personal history? That's like so creepy!!

If the number of ex or sexual intercourses is the one of the first questions you ask when you are in the "prospective" state, yes that is creepy. And a huge warning sign that you are probably a toxic person.

I don't care about ex partners. I'd rather know if my sexuality is compatible with that person and if that person is comfortable/confident with their sexual life.

You added "one of the first questions" to make your position seem less insane, Lmao.

Nobody's first question is "have you ever been a porn star" but it's going to come up eventually and, whether or not you care it will definitely be a deal breaker for many.

Your comment above was mentionning "prospective partner", so it implies happening during the early stages of a relationship.

Or I don't know, maybe in your culture you have to wait months / years before considering a partner someone you are dating regularly / spending a significant part of your life with.

Knowing somebody before being in a relationship with them is anything but unusual. Even if you start dating somebody you never knew before you still get to know each other before making any sort of commitment. Keep coping though.

Coping with what?

He's coping with having made a fool of himself with absurd simpism.

It is like asking for your surname. Way too personal!

I'd never seriously date someone if we couldn't be totally open and honest about our sexual histories and desires, etc. I think you're referring to a specific motivation some people have about wanting to know such information that is based on shame/insecurity/prudishness. Don't discount that some people want to share these things with their partner because it creates more intimacy and/or is hot.

sharing != asking

Of course I'll ask once we've achieved an appropriate level of intimacy to discuss such topics.

Are you one of those creeps who asks prospective employers about their work history before hiring them?

She's a person, same as me. If we hit it off and are good for each other, who cares? Unclutch those pearls.

> She's a person, same as me.

That line of reasoning tends to break down pretty quickly. Unless you're truly special, there are probably people out there who've done something so awful that you wouldn't date them despite the fact that they're "a person, same as me".

You missed my point. A lot of guys act like it somehow taints someone for life or repeat all the redpill 'pair bonding' nonsense, and don't judge people on their own merits.

You're not picking out make and model of a car, you're building a relationship with another person.

I don't know what "redpill 'pair bonding'" means because I'm old, so it's possible that I misunderstood. That said, I don't think it's far-fetched to assume that someone who willingly engages in prostitution (as a seller or a buyer) has a somewhat cynical and transactional relationship with sex, and I understand why many people might not like that.

> redpill 'pair bonding' nonsense,

Lol wtf

Women are actually more likely to reject a man on account of working in porn, than men are to reject female porn actress. https://x.com/PaulaGhete/status/1832391170619490813