There is no guiding hand, metaphorical or literal, choosing how a quantum system evolves. You can posit one, if it makes your metaphysics more agreeable, but it is a strictly added assumption, like any other attempt to insert god into physics.
Indeed, nicely put.
To be even more specific about why not: Bell's theorem (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bell%27s_theorem) shows that, with some reasonable assumptions about locality, quantum mechanics cannot be explained away by a set of hidden variables that guide an "underlying" deterministic/non-random system.
It's an added reason to be dubious though. The primary and most fundamental reason to reject this idea of "quantum selection" is that nothing is actually being selected. In a system with two possible outcomes, both happen. "We" (the current in-this-moment "we") end up in one of those paths with some probability, but both outcomes actually do happen. This is the standard, accepted model of physics today.
I think you are very confused about quantum mechanics and so-called collapse, as what you are parroting is a very old misconception. Observers don’t cause collapse, as collapse doesn’t happen. Observer doesn’t mean a conscious entity, but rather any interacting particle. And that interaction causes the multi-particle state to become entangled. That is all.