I've said for a few years now my personality is slightly different when I speak English. I have a partner of several years that doesn't speak my language nor me hers and we communicate in English and even simple things like expressing affection feel different even after a decade.
At some point since I speak more English every day than my own language when I switched to "thinking in English" (not on purpose) I remember feeling very sad, having almost lost a part of me, and I spent some time trying to think what impact it was having on my own actions and behaviors.
Nothing major, but I am more assertive and outspoken in English than in my native language because things don't feel so "real" to say, so it's easier to not feel scared.
I feel very strange sharing this because when I tried I got strange looks but maybe someone recognizes themselves in this too.
Could never put words on it but things don’t feel so real either.
The funniest part is now I speak my native language with my small kids and have fully relapsed to my original home town accent. I had abolished that accent years ago to avoid getting bullied at high school after relocating to a big city.
My kids are actively hearing and speaking 4 languages and one is with a thick accent!
Did you mean to say your partner doesn't speak your native language, or how does that work?
Sometimes I translate in my head what I just said back to my native language and realise that chances are I wouldn't have said it if I had to actually say it in my native language.
It's weird. It's also not something I think about on a daily basis. It's simply how it works.
However: I am kind of a different person when I speak English. My personality changes. Not for the worse though (and that's where I don't agree with the "and not in a nicer way", that's not how it is for me).
The problem is that, as a non-native speaker, the words carry less emotional weight somehow than my native language. This is not specific to English, and it's not because of a lack of familiarity. It's most visible in swear words - I have no problem saying any swear word in English, while I still get slightly squeamish with certain swear words in my native language.
It's basically a part of how you can't really absorb certain cultural aspects of a language, even if you learn about them. They're never going to be a part of your own internal culture if you didn't grow up with them.
- study flashcards from l3 <-> l4 to cut down on time - practice switching between the languages and distinguishing between them (I use interleaved flashcards on phrasing) - have a really painless audio review (to get a lot of your reviews done quickly) - listen to input every now and then (tv, podcast, something). A little bit every now and then goes a long way
I have seen great counter examples of people that could partition their mental spaces and isolate the languages properly.
I had one Spanish teacher in Brazil that could do this. I’m sure she had proper training.
I also had a Spanish friend and her mother was complaining that she was forgetting her home language because she was living in Brazil for some time. This is the most common thing to happen.
Interestingly, as she was telling me this after visiting Spain for about a month, I was having more trouble understanding her than usual, it can go both ways.
Like that Alan Perlis quote about programming languages.
When I start learning new language, I first focus on speech. So just audio until my ears can pick things like intonation, tones, words, and I start to grasp the sentence structure. After that, get my reading to a basic level and learn the alphabet (if necessary). Only after that do I start with some formal study to build a solid foundation. Usually, some kind of textbook series that covers reading, writing speaking, and listening. After that, I try to immerse myself in a language and learn as necessary.